Let My Lifesong Sing to You

I thought long and hard about what to name this post. As you may know, we had an appointment with the oncologist this past Wednesday. I didn’t think I was anxious about it but realized after it was over that I had been tense. It’s official….I’m “NED….No Evidence of Disease!” So, my original thoughts were to name it “I’m a Survivor” or “I Will Survive.” If you haven’t noticed, all of my blog titles were name of songs, with the exception of “I Hate this Part,” which is my made-up chant. This became a fun challenge to think of what song best fit my mood and the subject of the blog. And, in a lot of ways, music played a huge role in helping to cheer me, inspire me, comfort me and feel God’s nearness throughout this entire battle for my life. So, for this blog I chose the song by Casting Crowns “Let my Lifesong Sing to You!” As we continue to travel this road called “life,” I pray my life will praise Him, whether up on the mountain or down in the valley. Many times I’d be in a funk and turn on the radio and a song would come on that I needed to hear and change my mood around. Or, I’d be struggling with fear and the radio would play a song that reminded me that God was in control. The last day of my official treatment I got in the car to find the country song “I Want to Live” playing and I sobbed the whole way home….but happy tears of relief!

This morning in church as I hugged a fellow breast cancer survivor who had heard our great news, I jokingly said…”Yep…we are just too ornery to be done yet!” To which she replied “No, God still has plans to use us!” I LOVED that! That was such an important prayer to both Dave and I at the beginning of all this….that He would use us and He would be glorified!

So, now we begin a “new” normal…..things will never be the same in a lot of ways for us. I continue to deal with a few lingering issues caused by the cancer, some which may never be resolved or go away. And, that is upsetting and will take some getting used to. The fear of recurrence still hangs over my head and that freaks me out a bit. As much as I WANT things to go back to the way they used to be, I know they never will. And, I need to adjust to how things are now and that will take some time.

I’ve decided to end our blogs with this post. I debated about whether to continue and felt it fitting to finish with this happy ending. Who knows what God has planned next for us? However, as always, I was reminded that when we seek God, we will find Him. Devotions on Wednesday included the reading of Psalm 139. These precious words of Scripture brought me peace: “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” God knows what is next for me and I will continue to put my trust in Him that He will bring me through it!

So, I end this blog with a grateful heart to all our faithful prayer warriors and for all the love and support we’ve experienced from everyone! Words can’t begin to express our appreciation for all the help we have received. We know we couldn’t have done it alone!

I started my first blog entry with the title and words from the first verse of one of my favorite songs… “In Christ Alone.” We sang it in church again this morning. I’ve always teared up during this song. After this past year, it has an even more powerful effect on me and I literally can not sing the last verse, due to overwhelming emotion. So, it seems fitting to end with the final verse from that song. Thanks for coming along on this journey with us!! To God be the Glory!!!!

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK’s

I'm Just a Bill...Sitting here on Capitol Hill

Ooh....Cindy goes political! Who'd have thunk it? But, I'm asking for your help! On June 24, 2008, a bill was introduced in the House of Reps..... H. Res. 1300: Supporting efforts to raise awareness, improve education, and encourage research of inflammatory breast cancer.

Obviously, this is near and dear to my heart! I've been amazed by how many people (myself included!) had never heard of IBC. Let's get the word out!

I'd be grateful if you'd take a moment to write your Congressman or woman and ask them to support HRES 1300! If you'd like to read the full text of the bill, you can visit this website: http://www.govtrack.us/congress/billtext.xpd?bill=hr110-1300

If you aren't sure WHO your congress rep is, you can visit this website for help....http://www.house.gov/. Simply enter your zip code on the top left side of the page.

Thanks so much for your help! Together we CAN make a difference!

We now return you to the regularly scheduled blog! :-)

It's a Beautiful Day

On Monday morning I woke up in a GREAT mood…..I’m DONE with cancer treatments! What a strange but wonderful feeling! The weekend my radiation burns were super itchy and rather painful. But, my Monday….it had subsided somewhat. I was alone in the house as the “boys” were at work and our daughter had left the day before for a week of camp. I relished the silence…..no TV, no music…..just me and my thoughts as I cleaned. I realized by about lunchtime that I was sighing an awful lot…..immense sighs of relief!

I’ve officially ditched the wig and wow…that felt great! I’m now sporting a very short and sassy “do.” I couldn’t help but smile today when the desk person where I get my PT complimented me on my new “haircut.” I just thanked him and didn’t bother explaining it was actually just the return of my own hair. And, it was nice to be seen as a “normal” person, not a cancer patient!!

Life just seems that much sweeter right now and I really hope I never lose this perspective. Sure….I knew before this battle how blessed I am and how precious life is, but honestly, never at this deep of a level. So now my life will be all sunshine and butterflies and nothing will ever bother me again!! And if you believe that, I’ve got some ocean front property in Arizona! But, I pray that I’ll be a kinder and gentler me. I hope I never take those whom I love for granted. And, continue to have that close fellowship with God!

We see the oncologist on July 9 and I’m hoping to hear I’m “NED.” No, I’m not changing my name….that stands for “No Evidence of Disease.” (I’d never heard that before this.) It’s what every cancer patient longs to hear and unfortunately, not everyone does.

Prayers of thanksgiving that radiation went well and that we are done! (we hope!) Also, I'd appreciate prayers for peace. I said to Dave I feel like the physical battle is over but the emotional one could be lurking around the corner. Is that headache ONLY a headache, or a symptom of something else? Should I be concerned with that shooting pain in my side? It can be a little unnerving!

But, for the most part, it’s been a boring and beautiful week…..grocery shopping, cleaning, meeting friends and celebrating life! “This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!” Have a joy-filled day!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

My Happy Ending

Wow! It's been a busy, crazy week! I found myself celebrating a lot of "endings" this week. Wednesday at noon, I waved as the buses pulled out of school for the last this school year. And, although I'll miss seeing the kids and staff, I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief that I'd made it! Wednesday night I attended the MS Graduation and Thursday night I had the privilege of watching my niece graduate high school. Yet, these endings also signify new beginnings.....the kids on the bus were no doubt celebrating the beginning of summer (so am I!!), the MS students anticipate starting high school and the newly graduated seniors are looking forward to employment or college.

I'm preparing to celebrate the end of cancer treatments next Friday! I have five more radiation treatments left! I'm SO thankful to report it's been going better than I expected. Sure, my skin is getting a little crispy and I'm definitely feeling the "itch." But, I haven't been struck with the overwhelming tiredness. I am currently fighting a sinus infection and allergies, and that's been a drag, but I'm on meds and should be feeling better soon. So, on Friday, June 13th, as I pull out of the Cancer Care Center, I'll be celebrating a brand new beginning, too! I'm not going to lie...it will be an adjustment. For the last nine months, we've been actively fighting the cancer and now we are "done."I don't see my oncologist until beginning of July. I'll continue to receive a drug infusion every three weeks through November. But, I'm waiting for the official "declaration" that I am cancer-free.

Like those students who left school and learned lessons, we've learned many things throughout this journey. I'm looking forward to having time to just sit back and process all that has happened. Man, it's been a year! God has been SO faithful and has always met our needs! I'd appreciate prayers that this last week will go well and this infection will clear up. I haven't been able to sleep due to the coughing. And, please pray for peace as we wait to see the oncologist.

Here's to happy endings and brand new beginnings!! Hmm.....isn't God both the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end? Interesting!!

In His Strength,


Cindy and the VK's

Go the Distance

In my extended family, we have several athletes. I have a niece and nephew who run track and cross country, a niece who does gymnastics and a brother-in-law who competes in several triathlons a year. I’ve had the privilege of watching my nieces and nephew compete in several competitions. I’m amazed at how effortless they make it look. However, I know for a fact that they all spend hours each week practicing and staying in shape. They are strong athletes because of all the time they put in “behind the scenes.” If I were to attempt a 3 mile race or a flip flop, I’d fall on my face because I haven’t been properly trained. I feel like this lesson has become very clear to me throughout this experience with cancer. I need to stay in God’s Word and spend time in prayer to be a strong Christian. Without it, I will definitely fall on my face! Yet, I struggle with staying faithful and doing my spiritual exercise. I envy the discipline of athletes who train faithfully, despite snow, rain, sleet, pain or exhaustion. Dr. James Dobson has been quoted as saying his prayer is to “finish strong.” I totally get it! On a smaller scale, I feel like I see the “finish line” of cancer treatments. I’m counting the days and I’m heading into the final kick! As I view this entire experience and all the emotions associated with it, I don’t want to give the devil a foothold. I’ve been told by several people once it was all over, that was when it got tough. Kind of interesting, huh? So, I join Dr. Dobson in saying I want to finish strong, too and not stop "training" and growing as Christian!

Radiation is going well. As of today, I’ve got 12 down, 16 to go! I’m counting the days! The first few days, I developed a rash, which initially I thought were the burns starting already. It freaked me out a bit. But, turns out it was a reaction to the cream I’d been using to prevent burns. So far, I haven’t really felt any significant tiredness, so that’s been great! The Dr. warned me the last week and the week after will be the worst so we’ll just wait and see what happens. Fortunately, that will happen after school is over! “Normal” is slowly returning! Our eldest returned home from college, plans are being made for summer trips, we are looking forward to graduation celebrations with friends and family, I’m at work every day, enjoying evenings out with friends, and just living. Aside from my morning stop for radiation, my grey “crew cut” and some scars, I’m feeling great!

I’d appreciate prayers that my current energy level will continue and that any skin discomfort would be minimal. Pray that the radiation will be doing it's thing and zapping any stray cancer cells that remained! And, okay….is it wrong to pray for hair to grow more quickly? I’d love to be able to ditch the wig before it gets too warm outside!!

Thanks for your continued prayers and see you at the finish line!!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrew 12:1

Running this race in HIS Strength,


Cindy and the VK's

Climb Every Mountain

This past summer, our family was blessed to be able to take an incredible trip!. We loaded up the mini-van and headed out west to see Bryce National Park, the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, the Hoover Dam and Sedona. One of our favorite places was Zion National Park. We met some dear friends there and spent the night in the park’s lodge, surrounded by mountains. The majesty and splendor of the park truly suited our maker’s name. And, we did sing “We’re marching in Zion, beautiful, beautiful Zion” several times!

We arrived there on a Friday afternoon and our friends arrived about an hour later, approximately at 3 pm. I thought we’d have a quiet night chatting and enjoying dinner. However, they suggested we hit the trails. It was 101 degrees (but it was a DRY heat…ha ha!) and this out of shape Midwesterner wondered if it was a good idea. But, not wanting to miss out on anything and anxious to chat with our friends, off I went. The hike they chose was a moderate hike and was divided into three parts…the lower, upper and middle Emerald Pools. The first part of the hike
was spectacular although I was “glowing” like a pig. Our daughter was bright red and exhausted and asked to go back to the lodge. Truthfully, I wanted to go back with her. But, Dave quickly volunteered so I wouldn’t miss anything. (I thought he had offered because he was pooped, too, but he proved me wrong the next day when he did the difficult Angel’s Landing hike.) Not wanting to be a wuss, I trudged on. The second part of the hike offered no shade and was a much steeper incline, climbing in what seemed like sand. After the first 100 yards, I realized this was NOT a good idea. Our friends are in fabulous shape and seemed to have no problem. I was sure I would not make it and decided to turn back. However, my friends were incredible….they offered me their walking stick, shared their extra water to cool me, slowed down to my pace and encouraged me constantly that I could do it. And, I’m proud to say…I did! But it wasn’t a solitary victory. It was due to encouragement of my friends.

I’ve thought about this hike a lot throughout this cancer journey. I know without a doubt we have made it through this, thanks to all the encouragement and prayers of friends, family and even strangers. It's been amazing the people God has brought into our lives! When we were weak and tired, help was offered in a variety of ways. When we were too exhausted and overwhelmed to cook, incredible meals were provided. Unexpected phone calls or gifts of love brightened some dreary days. Just going to the mailbox each day is a reminder of love and prayers….one of my favorite things to do! This hike has become such a cherished memory to me throughout my battle with cancer and Psalm 121 became SO real to me…..

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

This Monday, I begin hopefully the final “leg” of this cancer hike. (FYI, the last part of the actual hike in Zion was incredible – more on that later!) Radiation begins at the Cancer Care Center at Good Samaritan Hospital. But, I’ve reached the point where I just want to be done and get on with life. I was able to return to school on Tuesday and that has been wonderful and such a blessing! Logically I realize I need radiation to eradicate any “stray” cancer cells that can’t be seen. But emotionally, I’m tired. So, I’d so appreciate prayers that I can finish strong and that the effects of the radiation will do their thing but not cause too many side effects or problems. I’m a little freaked out about the possibility of skin burns. But, as I'm reminded, God will watch over me, both now and forevermore!

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for helping encourage us up this mountain!! Lord willing, and if I can make it happen, I plan to return to Zion this summer, take that hike again, thank God for LIFE and give thanks for all of you!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK’s

Be Patient, Be Patient; Don't Be in Such a Hurry!

Well, as you can maybe tell from my title, PATIENCE is going to be the subject of this blog entry! As in, I need some….NOW!! I feel as if I’m in a really weird spot in my cancer journey. I’ve commented to Dave I really thought I’d be feeling much better than I am now…thought I’d have less pain, more movement and feeling in my arm and more energy. Things have progressed more slowly than predicted, which has been somewhat frustrating. I’m still not able to drive (Dr.’s orders) and I had to postpone my return to work for at least another week. My husband keeps reminding me it's okay to SLOW DOWN….I had two surgeries within a 3 week span and my body is probably just beat. Yeah, yeah, yeah……but I’m READY to jump back into my life. I’m anxious to see all those those wonderful little faces at school, stop at Jamba Juice for a smoothie, go shopping with my daughter, go on a bike ride, cruise alone in the car, singing at the top of my lungs AND, get this….I’m even ready to (gasp!) DO LAUNDRY! My brain is in high gear, planning what to do next and my body just laughs and says “Yeah, right!”

Something else I’ve noticed is that when I’m feeling better, I lean less on God. Those early days of diagnosis I feel as if I spent a TON of time in prayer and devotions. I miss that. I know I’ve drifted away from that a bit and really need to get back on track! Yesterday, as I was thinking cranky thoughts, the verse “Be still and know that I am God” popped into my head. What a great reminder that rather than crabbing about what I CAN’T do right now, I need to quiet my heart to focus on Him and His will for my life. So, perhaps slowing things down is His way to bring me back to those quiet times.

I meet with the Radiologist for the first time this Tuesday. I’m hoping to leave that appointment with what to expect with the radiation treatments. Prayers would be appreciated that the appointment goes well, that my mobility progresses so I can drive soon and that the swelling I’m experiencing will subside. And, of course, some prayers for patience! Could you please do that RIGHT NOW? (Hee Hee!)

In His Strength,


Cindy and the VK's