Live Out Loud

Wow! It's been a long time since my last update! This last cycle has been an interesting one. The first three to four days after chemo were probably some of the worst I've had. The Dr. had warned me the affects of the chemo would be cumulative and may worsen as time went on. So, I just figured it was going to take me longer to bounce back each time. The Monday morning after chemo I woke up with every intention to go to work. I got into the shower and thought "No way!" and went back to bed. Tuesday I managed to make it work and collapsed on the couch when I got home. Wednesday morning I woke up and it was like someone had flipped a switch because I felt absolutely fabulous! Probably the best I've felt since this all started! The joke in our house has been that Dave can always tell when it's week three because I'm never home and when I DO return, it's always with shopping bags. (In my defense, it's usually boring stuff like groceries or the famed Target run!) This time around, I had TWO great weeks so I've been out there LIVING!! A friend of my son told me I've been "crazier" since I've had cancer. At first I thought, "How rude!" but then I realized he may be right! All those insignificant things that we all "worry" about just don't seem to matter to me right now. So, when I am feeling well, I'm going to laugh a little more and enjoy the moment! (And, probably embarrass my children along the way!)

However, Sunday evening I was reminded again that we just never know what is around the corner. A friend of mine who is battling breast cancer and was hoping for a clean scan this month discovered that she now has a brain tumor. My heart just breaks for her and her family. And, truthfully, it shook me up a little bit, too. I'm feeling SO good....could bad news be around the corner for me, too? And again, I'm amazed at how God sends us the right Bible passage "just in time." The day before, I read Psalm 62:2 "He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." So, as I lift my friend up in prayer, I will continue to cling to that Rock!!

Chemo #5 is this Thursday. I'm so thankful for the incredible health our family has had since October! And, my throat/gland problem was non-existent this cycle which was a huge relief! I'm convinced it was a combination of medicine and lots of prayer!! Please pray that chemo will go smoothly and for another round like the last one! (Although Dave may not appreciate it because I'll be shopping and out with friends again!!) And, please pray for my friend who has more chemo, radiation and possibly surgery in the near future.

Thanks again for reading our "life story." I'll update again after chemo.

In His Strength,


Cindy and the VK's

Sing your Praise to the Lord!

Hi! Remember that hope I had talked about in my last blog....how I was HOPING for a good year with some good news? Well, ten days into the first year, we received some great news! Chemo was today (January 10). As usual, blood was drawn for labs and then we met with our Nurse Practioner and then Doctor. Our NP did the initial exam. She simply said "Wow.....I don't feel anything." A minute later, the Dr. walked in. Her opinion is the one that really counts. She did the exam and also exclaimed "Wow." She continued the exam and again said "Wow!" She then said "Cindy....there is no longer a measurable mass. I don't feel anything!!" Three weeks ago, we were told the tumor was at 6x6 cm. I was HOPING for a 4x4 and would have been THRILLED with a 4x4....more than half-way with still half the chemo treatments left to go. But....GONE? Inconceivable!! I looked back and forth at both of them.....our NP gave me a hug, the Dr. said "Happy New Year!" and I burst into tears of happiness!! The Dr. explained there still could be cancer cells that she can't feel and the pathology report will tell us more at surgery. (But, we still have two more chemo sessions to hopefully get all those cells!) She told us not all people respond this well and this is the best outcome we could hope for. Hey...there's that word again.....HOPE!!! We were given a wonderful gift of hope! As we waited the next hour to be called for chemo, the phrase "no longer a measurable mass" kept running through my head and I couldn't stop the tears of joy and prayers of thanksgiving! What an incredible answer to prayer!! We can't begin to thank everyone for the way you are lifting us up through all of this!

As you can imagine, chemo went well! Dave was my last-minute chemo buddy because Dad and Mom Van Kampen were planning to take me this time. However we received a phone call about 8:00 pm Wednesday night that Mom had slipped and had a really bad sprain and possible break of her ankle and they were heading to the hospital. When I talked to Dad again later that night, they had cast her foot. Please pray for her that the ankle will heal properly and the pain to be manageable. Anyways, they were yet another hope for me to win at cards. Instead, I was "stuck" (love ya, honey!) with my ruthless husband who yes, beat me again in both games. But, like I told him....it's okay.....I'd much rather win the battle of cancer than win at cards!!

Prayer requests...that's pretty easy this time....THANK YOU, LORD!! Also, again for the side effects to be okay the next few days. My most annoying issue continues to be a gland/throat/mouth problem that lasts about a week. They are trying something that may help...please pray it will give me some relief.

I'd like to end with the passage Ephesians 3:20-21: "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

In HIS Strength,


A very happy Cindy and the VK's

Another Auld Lang Syne

Happy 2008! Being the sentimental sap that I am, New Year's Eve has always been a day I spend time reflecting on the past year. Some years, I can't wait to bid "farewell" to the old and ring in the new. Other years, I'm sad to say goodbye to a particularly good year. This year at midnight on New Year's Eve as I lifted my glass of sparkling grape juice with friends, someone in our group said "Here's to a good year!" It a weird feeling to know some of the things this year will most likely bring for us....three more chemo treatments, surgery in the Spring followed by radiation treatments. Not exactly "fun" things to look forward to with anticipation! But, these are all necessary "evils" that will hopefully get rid of all the cancer cells. The verse Jeremiah 29:11 keeps running through my head....."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." And, while I'd love to think MY plans are HIS plans, I know that's not always the case. So, I'm content in knowing the future is in HIS hands but I'm HOPING for a good year that brings us good news!!

Chemo #4 is this Thursday. Can you believe it? Time is really flying! We had a great Christmas break. Our oldest returned back to college today and it was such a blessing to have the whole family together for almost 3 weeks! Thankfully, I felt pretty good and was able to enjoy some great meals, visit with friends and family that are dear to us, play games (which I STILL lost!) watch movies and just BE! School starts again for the kids and I so it's back to the normal schedule. Waking up early is going to be a rude awakening.....literally! :-)

I'm starting to feel like a broken record, but I'm asking for prayers, that again....all my levels will be okay and that chemo can continue on schedule. And for more good news that it continues to shrink! I'm VERY thankful that I haven't experienced any of the really nasty side effects of one of the drugs (like losing fingernails and toenails) but I did have some bad bone pain for two days this time around. Please pray that it doesn't get any worse!

So, while we hope for a good year, we also hope all of YOU have a good year too!! May 2008 bring you good memories. laughter and lots of love!!

In His Strength,


Cindy and the VK's

Joy to the World!

Hi Everybody! It's me again! Chemo #3 went off without a hitch. More good news that the tumor continues to shrink! All my levels were within normal range and that concern I mentioned is something they will keep an eye on but it doesn't seem to be anything serious. YEAH!! The Dr. and nurse we met with were very encouraging. My chemo buddy this time around was a great friend who just makes me smile! We had a lot of fun, met some nice people and thankfully, didn't get kicked out of chemo for being too silly! Although, she ALSO beat me at cards! Are you noticing a pattern here? WANTED: A chemo buddy who lets me win at cards!

We are asking for prayers that again, side effects will be minimal and we can enjoy the holidays with family and friends! I'm looking forward to hugging some friends, nieces and nephews I haven't seen in a while. (You've been warned, guys!) Also, for continued good health for us. And, praise that the chemo is doing it's thing!

So, while we are feeling better about our situation, I can't help but think about people I care about who are right now going through their own personal grief. A recent cancer diagnosis of a young father, grieving the loss of a loved one, dealing with an ill parent, financial situations....ths list goes on. At this time of year, when it seems we are all supposed to resemble a happy Christmas card, it just makes things that much more difficult! Having Christmas "joy" can just be really tough! But, then we need to remember the MEANING of the word joy.....Joy as a fruit of the spirit is much more than "happy" because it transcends circumstances, surprises, disappointments, pain, life and even death. Nehmiah 8:10 says "The Joy of the Lord is our strength." As a Christian going through a tough time, what a blessing to have TRUE joy of hope in Him. And, at Christmas, that is something even this "Grinch" can truly celebrate ...the genuine joy that came down to us at Christmas.

We wish you all a joy-filled holiday season, no matter whether you are experiencing storms or sunshine! Have a beautiful 2008! Thank so much for stopping by!

In His Strength,


Cindy & the VK's

Here we go again!

Hi friends! The time is drawing near for Chemo #3. That happens this Thursday, on December 20. All in all, it's been a pretty good 2 weeks. I felt a little more tired, but hey, it's Christmas time! You find me ANY parent who isn't a little more tired this time of year! It's been kind of interesting as I've come to appreciate the days I'm feeling "good." This past week was really a fun one! A night out with a girlfriend, our Small Group Christmas party (always a lot of laughs!), dinner and a show with friends, laughing with the kids at school, Worship on Sunday, dinner with Dave's folks, our daughter's Christmas Band concert....just "normal" stuff. I commented to Dave on Sunday that I've had chunks of time when I've just forgotten I HAD cancer. It was just such a good feeling! And, truthfully, I think it's a little harder this time knowing I'll be feeling rotten during the holidays. But, on the flip side, it's nice to know when this one is over, I'll be half-way done with chemo!! And, knowing that the chemo is doing it's thing and the tumor is responding, well, that just makes it easier to swallow! And, I know it could be worse so I can't complain!

I'd really appreciate prayers again that all my levels will be okay so chemo can stay on schedule. I've got one thing that concerns me so please pray it isn't anything serious. Prayers of thanks for good health, especially during cold and flu season! Also, we are so grateful for the ways we are being loved through this! It has been an amazing experience and literally brings me to tears of thanksgiving!

I'll update again after chemo. Thanks for stopping by!!

In His Strength,



Cindy & the VK'S

Isn't She Lovely?

Wow! It's been a while since my last update. So, thought I'd take a moment to let you know what's been going on. My 2nd "post-chemo" experience has been SO much better than the first! First, I was much less anxious this time around. It was more like "oh yeah, I remember this." Those prayers for peace were definitely answered! I felt a tad more tired but nothing a little sleep doesn't cure! Dave said he can always tell when I'm feeling better because I'll start to "argue" with him about things. Who? Sweet little agreeable me? Surely he is mistaken! :-)

I was correct in saying the hair dryer would outlast the hair. The Friday after chemo I was losing large clumps of hair. I tired of finding it in my mouth, on the couch and figured one swift wind and it would be gone anyways. So, I called my good friend and hair dresser and she was able to take me that afternoon to do the "buzz." I was okay at first but Saturday it really bothered me for some reason. That night, I walked into my bathroom, put away my hair dryer and curling irons and I'll admit, had a little cry. Sunday morning I woke up and just felt "ugly." Society puts such emphasis on looks and I wasn't liking what I saw. I decided to remind myself what God holds of value and turned to Proverbs 31. Yes, that chapter that talks about the "perfect" woman. We all "hate" her, don't we ladies? (I once saw a shirt that said "I'm a Proverbs 32 Woman.....I sleep in until noon and my house is a mess." Hysterical....I want one!) I just wanted to be reminded that "Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain; But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." However, as I scanned the chapter, verse 25 caught my eye. "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." It stopped me in my tracks and I thought "I'd much rather laugh that feel sorry for myself!" Dave and I had a good talk that night, and I can honestly say I've made peace with my bald head. Bald is beautiful, baby! I've got a great wig...and life goes on!

Prayers would be appreciated for continued health. And, that during this crazy, busy, stress-filled holiday season, ALL of us have a chance to celebrate the birth of our Savior! HE's the reason for the season!

In His Strength,



Cindy and the VK's

I'm on the Top of the World!

Yep...it's me again! I just had to share some incredible news. We had our second chemo session today, which went really well! (Aside from Dave beating me at cards!) Before chemo, we met with the Dr, who examined me. She said the tumor has shrunk about 4 centimeters!! This just amazes me that from ONE session, we had such a great response!! To put things into perspective, the tumor was at about 10 centimeters so that is a significant reduction. The Dr. said she is "very pleased!" So are we!! I'm doing the dance of joy!

Tonight at dinner devotions, it was my turn to read the Bible. I did okay but when I got to this verse, I got rather choked up and had to pass the Bible to Dave to finish....."And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. " (2 Corinthians 9:8) What an incredible encouragement to be reminded that in ALL things at ALL times, we have ALL we need! We are surrounded by God's grace to do His work. We are not on our own power because God makes His grace abound to us! Even on those days we are tired, frustrated, or feeling cruddy, He can still use us! I guess I never really thought about it like that.

Speaking of feeling cruddy, if last time is any indication, Saturday, Sunday and Monday will be the days I'm really beat. But, somehow, I think they'll be a little "sweeter" knowing we are making progress!

So, to my wonderful prayer warriors, major PRAISE for this great news!!

In His Strength,



Cindy and the VK's