Can You Read My Mind?

Yep...it's a picture of me! I had the brain MRI this past Thursday and they also gave me a disk with the images. I thought they were pretty cool! We are still waiting for results. The test went well, although it was a little freaky. I'm not really a claustrophobic person but as the table moved me into the machine, I had a fleeting moment of panic. I closed my eyes, said a quick prayer and just listened to the strange percussion "concert" while inside the machine and then I was fine.

This past "post-chemo" went okay....I wasn't as severely tired but it has seemed to last longer. Although, just as I was starting to come out of the chemo haze, I came down with a really bad cold. And, unfortunately, so did the rest of the family, although Dave and I have been hit the worst. So, between chemo and the cold, I feel like I've just been "down" for a long time. There are so many things I'd like to get done before surgery so it's somewhat frustrating to be doing nothing. I never thought I'd see the day when I wished I felt better so I could clean out a closet!

Prayers would greatly be appreciated that the scan comes back as good news. Please pray that we will get over these colds and stay healthy so surgery can stay on schedule.

Thanks for stopping by! I'll update once we get results back from the scan.

In His Strength,


Cindy and the VK's

P.S. And, no "Wow....you really DO have a brain" jokes in the comments! (You know who are are!) ;-)

Raining on the Inside

You’ve heard the expression “Into each life, a little rain must fall?” Well, we’ve kind of been having that kind of week! Monday was a day off so I planned to do my typical pre-chemo “nesting.” I hoped to get caught up on laundry and get the house cleaned up. During my 2nd load, our washing machine gave out. (Ironically, our stove died two weeks ago and had to be replaced as well.) Dave took a look at it when he got home and the part we needed was over $200 so it wasn’t worth trying to fix so we moved it into the garage. Next morning, we woke up to a BIG mess. One of the pipes had leaked all night long into our finished basement. The ceiling drywall was drenched and had collapsed, leaving a good 20x7 foot hole in our ceiling and soaking wet carpet. Dave took the day off to clean up the mess. That night we went shopping for a new machine and thankfully, found a GREAT deal on a machine that could be delivered the next day. However, Dave’s car began making a horrible noise and now his car needs to be fixed. Then we talked to our son at college and the “Check Engine” light went on in that car, too. Grr!

Thursday was chemo. I was SO excited it was my last one and brought in cookies for the staff to celebrate. However, talking to the Dr., she mentioned depending on what they find during surgery, I may need more chemo. It’s never been mentioned as a possibility so it was a harsh reality check. Also, I had several bouts of vertigo after my last chemo which I mentioned to the Dr. and she ordered a brain MRI to check it out. So, just a lot to digest on a day I thought I’d feel relief and joy!

Prayers would be appreciated that I WON’T need more chemo and that the brain scan comes back as nothing! (Well, at least that it shows a brain!) I've heard from several people that one of the chemo drugs I'm on CAN cause dizziness. I talked to a friend of mine who said that is one of the unsettling things about cancer…..you just never know what is around the corner. And, that’s hard for me to not know what to expect because I’m such a “planner.” (I'm already trying to figure out if we can squeeze in a vacation this summer and when I can expect my hair to grow back!)

But again, God has not been silent. As we checked out and made some follow-up appointments, hanging on the wall of the cubicle was this verse….”Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (I Peter 5:7) What a great reminder that we have a God who cares about us and the things that trouble us! Whether it be leaking basements, car problems, broken appliances, health issues, or broken hearts, He is always there and ready to listen!

In His Strength,


Cindy and the VK’s

Girls Just Want to have Fun!

One thing that has been really important to me through all this is to try to keep things as “normal” as possible. When your life gets turned upside down, normal and even mundane activities can become a real comfort. I hate to miss out on things I normally enjoy. One thing I LOVE to do is travel! Years ago, and long before the movie, my family christened me “Happy Feet” because I’m always looking forward to my next vacation or a new place to visit. When I was diagnosed, I thought it would be a while until I could take a trip and that was depressing to me. I had a tentative trip planned with girlfriends to Florida for this February and was sad I would now miss it. I thought “Hopefully, next year.” However, God is good and details fell into place for me to still go and it would be during my “good” week. When I asked the Dr. if I could go she replied “Cindy, I don’t think you ‘can’ go, I think you SHOULD go!” She then proceeded to write me a “prescription” for a trip to Florida! How could Dave argue with that? I was a little worried, thinking what if something happens and I’m far from home? I’m happy to report that I’m now home from my trip to Florida and we had a GREAT time! It was so wonderful to be there and not have to think about treatments, Dr. appointments and what happens next. We enjoyed sunny weather in the high 70’s, walking the beach, shopping, reading by the pool, eating at great restaurants, laughing (a LOT!) and celebrating the gift of friendship and being alive! It was so nice to take a “vacation” from cancer and I think it was probably good for the family, too! I just felt “normal!” (Well, as “normal” as I get!!)

My next chemo is this Thursday, February 21 and my LAST one! YEAH!! The surgeon appointment went well and surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, March 25. I’m asking for prayers that this last treatment goes well. It took me a good week to really bounce back from the last one. I was tired and cranky! Also, praise for the great trip…it really was good for me emotionally. Please continue to pray for all of us as we continue to figure out “living” with cancer.

In the condo we stayed at in Florida, there was a magnet on the fridge with Isaiah 40:31, which as I mentioned in an earlier posting, is my favorite verse. As I re-read those words I know by heart, He gently reminded me that He WILL renew our strength just when we need it. I love how God speaks to us, even with a refrigerator magnet!

In His Strength,


Cindy and the VK’s

Lullabye and Good Night!

Well, Chemo #5 happened almost a week ago and I figured it was time to check “Update Blog” off my to-do list! Chemo itself went very well! Very little waiting this time around, which was nice. My chemo buddy was a good friend and we had a very enjoyable chat during the infusion part. Dave called about midway through to see how things were going and THEN asked if she had beat me at cards. (Probably the REAL reason he called!) Hey..you can’t lose if you don’t play, right? We also managed to avoid much of the snow that hit the area as we were done by 1 pm. Even had enough time to stop at Starbucks for a hot chocolate (and yes, more chatting!)

My physical complaints are few this time, which has been really nice. However, the fatigue has been really bad. I spent all Saturday in bed sleeping. (I didn’t know a person COULD sleep that much!) That was hard because it was our daughter’s 12th birthday. Granted, we had celebrated about a week ago when our son was home from college, but I still feel like I "missed" the day. Dave was a great dad and took her and her cousin rock climbing and it sounds like they had a blast. On Sunday, about 5:30 pm I gathered all my energy to make my first trip downstairs to watch the Super Bowl with Dave and promptly fell asleep….again! You’ll be happy to know I DID manage to stay awake for the 2nd half. What a great game! (Well, if you were cheering for the Giants!) Monday I didn’t even attempt work. By Monday evening, I was bored out of my mind! If you know me, I don’t like to sit a lot…I’m always looking for something fun to do. I was still really tired and just frustrated! (If you don’t believe me, ask my fam!) Tuesday morning came and my “bored” self decided I was going to work. My body said “What!? Are you kidding me?” I made it through the day and that brings us to today. Feeling better, but not great yet. Let’s just say I’m REALLY glad there is only one more treatment left! YEAH!!

We see the surgeon this Friday. Many people have asked if the mass is gone, do I still need surgery? Unfortunately, the answer to that is yes. Inflammatory Breast Cancer is different because it isn’t a contained tumor. It grows in “nests” or “sheets” and infiltrates the tissue. Because it is such an aggressive type, chemo, followed by surgery and radiation is recommended to increase the chance of long term survival. And, since I’d like to be around for a while, I’ll go with it!

And, forgive me for the “ad” but I thought these were really cool and decided to share because it seems everyone knows someone who has or had breast cancer and this is a good cause. My Nurse Practitioner, Teri, makes and sells these adorable bracelets with proceeds going to the Rush University Breast Cancer Research Fund. They are a really beautiful piece of jewelry made with Swarovski crystal and sterling silver for $30. Of course, I bought one….leave it to me to SHOP at chemo! If you are interested, you can order them from her website at http://www.bobbiesbracelets.com. (FYI, the photo of the bracelet on her site really doesn't do it justice!)

We would really appreciate prayers that the appointment with the surgeon goes well and that we will be able to make wise decisions. Also, please pray I’ll have a boost in energy. I’ve got things to do and place to go!! I hope I didn’t sound too whiney this entry….I’m just being honest as to what is going on. As we battle cancer and the tiredness it brings, on so many levels, we continue to rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him!!

In His Strength,


Cindy and the VK’s

Live Out Loud

Wow! It's been a long time since my last update! This last cycle has been an interesting one. The first three to four days after chemo were probably some of the worst I've had. The Dr. had warned me the affects of the chemo would be cumulative and may worsen as time went on. So, I just figured it was going to take me longer to bounce back each time. The Monday morning after chemo I woke up with every intention to go to work. I got into the shower and thought "No way!" and went back to bed. Tuesday I managed to make it work and collapsed on the couch when I got home. Wednesday morning I woke up and it was like someone had flipped a switch because I felt absolutely fabulous! Probably the best I've felt since this all started! The joke in our house has been that Dave can always tell when it's week three because I'm never home and when I DO return, it's always with shopping bags. (In my defense, it's usually boring stuff like groceries or the famed Target run!) This time around, I had TWO great weeks so I've been out there LIVING!! A friend of my son told me I've been "crazier" since I've had cancer. At first I thought, "How rude!" but then I realized he may be right! All those insignificant things that we all "worry" about just don't seem to matter to me right now. So, when I am feeling well, I'm going to laugh a little more and enjoy the moment! (And, probably embarrass my children along the way!)

However, Sunday evening I was reminded again that we just never know what is around the corner. A friend of mine who is battling breast cancer and was hoping for a clean scan this month discovered that she now has a brain tumor. My heart just breaks for her and her family. And, truthfully, it shook me up a little bit, too. I'm feeling SO good....could bad news be around the corner for me, too? And again, I'm amazed at how God sends us the right Bible passage "just in time." The day before, I read Psalm 62:2 "He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." So, as I lift my friend up in prayer, I will continue to cling to that Rock!!

Chemo #5 is this Thursday. I'm so thankful for the incredible health our family has had since October! And, my throat/gland problem was non-existent this cycle which was a huge relief! I'm convinced it was a combination of medicine and lots of prayer!! Please pray that chemo will go smoothly and for another round like the last one! (Although Dave may not appreciate it because I'll be shopping and out with friends again!!) And, please pray for my friend who has more chemo, radiation and possibly surgery in the near future.

Thanks again for reading our "life story." I'll update again after chemo.

In His Strength,


Cindy and the VK's

Sing your Praise to the Lord!

Hi! Remember that hope I had talked about in my last blog....how I was HOPING for a good year with some good news? Well, ten days into the first year, we received some great news! Chemo was today (January 10). As usual, blood was drawn for labs and then we met with our Nurse Practioner and then Doctor. Our NP did the initial exam. She simply said "Wow.....I don't feel anything." A minute later, the Dr. walked in. Her opinion is the one that really counts. She did the exam and also exclaimed "Wow." She continued the exam and again said "Wow!" She then said "Cindy....there is no longer a measurable mass. I don't feel anything!!" Three weeks ago, we were told the tumor was at 6x6 cm. I was HOPING for a 4x4 and would have been THRILLED with a 4x4....more than half-way with still half the chemo treatments left to go. But....GONE? Inconceivable!! I looked back and forth at both of them.....our NP gave me a hug, the Dr. said "Happy New Year!" and I burst into tears of happiness!! The Dr. explained there still could be cancer cells that she can't feel and the pathology report will tell us more at surgery. (But, we still have two more chemo sessions to hopefully get all those cells!) She told us not all people respond this well and this is the best outcome we could hope for. Hey...there's that word again.....HOPE!!! We were given a wonderful gift of hope! As we waited the next hour to be called for chemo, the phrase "no longer a measurable mass" kept running through my head and I couldn't stop the tears of joy and prayers of thanksgiving! What an incredible answer to prayer!! We can't begin to thank everyone for the way you are lifting us up through all of this!

As you can imagine, chemo went well! Dave was my last-minute chemo buddy because Dad and Mom Van Kampen were planning to take me this time. However we received a phone call about 8:00 pm Wednesday night that Mom had slipped and had a really bad sprain and possible break of her ankle and they were heading to the hospital. When I talked to Dad again later that night, they had cast her foot. Please pray for her that the ankle will heal properly and the pain to be manageable. Anyways, they were yet another hope for me to win at cards. Instead, I was "stuck" (love ya, honey!) with my ruthless husband who yes, beat me again in both games. But, like I told him....it's okay.....I'd much rather win the battle of cancer than win at cards!!

Prayer requests...that's pretty easy this time....THANK YOU, LORD!! Also, again for the side effects to be okay the next few days. My most annoying issue continues to be a gland/throat/mouth problem that lasts about a week. They are trying something that may help...please pray it will give me some relief.

I'd like to end with the passage Ephesians 3:20-21: "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

In HIS Strength,


A very happy Cindy and the VK's

Another Auld Lang Syne

Happy 2008! Being the sentimental sap that I am, New Year's Eve has always been a day I spend time reflecting on the past year. Some years, I can't wait to bid "farewell" to the old and ring in the new. Other years, I'm sad to say goodbye to a particularly good year. This year at midnight on New Year's Eve as I lifted my glass of sparkling grape juice with friends, someone in our group said "Here's to a good year!" It a weird feeling to know some of the things this year will most likely bring for us....three more chemo treatments, surgery in the Spring followed by radiation treatments. Not exactly "fun" things to look forward to with anticipation! But, these are all necessary "evils" that will hopefully get rid of all the cancer cells. The verse Jeremiah 29:11 keeps running through my head....."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." And, while I'd love to think MY plans are HIS plans, I know that's not always the case. So, I'm content in knowing the future is in HIS hands but I'm HOPING for a good year that brings us good news!!

Chemo #4 is this Thursday. Can you believe it? Time is really flying! We had a great Christmas break. Our oldest returned back to college today and it was such a blessing to have the whole family together for almost 3 weeks! Thankfully, I felt pretty good and was able to enjoy some great meals, visit with friends and family that are dear to us, play games (which I STILL lost!) watch movies and just BE! School starts again for the kids and I so it's back to the normal schedule. Waking up early is going to be a rude awakening.....literally! :-)

I'm starting to feel like a broken record, but I'm asking for prayers, that again....all my levels will be okay and that chemo can continue on schedule. And for more good news that it continues to shrink! I'm VERY thankful that I haven't experienced any of the really nasty side effects of one of the drugs (like losing fingernails and toenails) but I did have some bad bone pain for two days this time around. Please pray that it doesn't get any worse!

So, while we hope for a good year, we also hope all of YOU have a good year too!! May 2008 bring you good memories. laughter and lots of love!!

In His Strength,


Cindy and the VK's