VK Fam Blog

Let My Lifesong Sing to You

2008-07-13T16:09:00.000-07:00

I thought long and hard about what to name this post. As you may know, we had an appointment with the oncologist this past Wednesday. I didn’t think I was anxious about it but realized after it was over that I had been tense. It’s official….I’m “NED….No Evidence of Disease!” So, my original thoughts were to name it “I’m a Survivor” or “I Will Survive.” If you haven’t noticed, all of my blog titles were name of songs, with the exception of “I Hate this Part,” which is my made-up chant. This became a fun challenge to think of what song best fit my mood and the subject of the blog. And, in a lot of ways, music played a huge role in helping to cheer me, inspire me, comfort me and feel God’s nearness throughout this entire battle for my life. So, for this blog I chose the song by Casting Crowns “Let my Lifesong Sing to You!” As we continue to travel this road called “life,” I pray my life will praise Him, whether up on the mountain or down in the valley. Many times I’d be in a funk and turn on the radio and a song would come on that I needed to hear and change my mood around. Or, I’d be struggling with fear and the radio would play a song that reminded me that God was in control. The last day of my official treatment I got in the car to find the country song “I Want to Live” playing and I sobbed the whole way home….but happy tears of relief!

This morning in church as I hugged a fellow breast cancer survivor who had heard our great news, I jokingly said…”Yep…we are just too ornery to be done yet!” To which she replied “No, God still has plans to use us!” I LOVED that! That was such an important prayer to both Dave and I at the beginning of all this….that He would use us and He would be glorified!

So, now we begin a “new” normal…..things will never be the same in a lot of ways for us. I continue to deal with a few lingering issues caused by the cancer, some which may never be resolved or go away. And, that is upsetting and will take some getting used to. The fear of recurrence still hangs over my head and that freaks me out a bit. As much as I WANT things to go back to the way they used to be, I know they never will. And, I need to adjust to how things are now and that will take some time.

I’ve decided to end our blogs with this post. I debated about whether to continue and felt it fitting to finish with this happy ending. Who knows what God has planned next for us? However, as always, I was reminded that when we seek God, we will find Him. Devotions on Wednesday included the reading of Psalm 139. These precious words of Scripture brought me peace: “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” God knows what is next for me and I will continue to put my trust in Him that He will bring me through it!

So, I end this blog with a grateful heart to all our faithful prayer warriors and for all the love and support we’ve experienced from everyone! Words can’t begin to express our appreciation for all the help we have received. We know we couldn’t have done it alone!

I started my first blog entry with the title and words from the first verse of one of my favorite songs… “In Christ Alone.” We sang it in church again this morning. I’ve always teared up during this song. After this past year, it has an even more powerful effect on me and I literally can not sing the last verse, due to overwhelming emotion. So, it seems fitting to end with the final verse from that song. Thanks for coming along on this journey with us!! To God be the Glory!!!!

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK’s

I'm Just a Bill...Sitting here on Capitol Hill

2008-07-01T06:52:00.001-07:00

Ooh....Cindy goes political! Who'd have thunk it? But, I'm asking for your help! On June 24, 2008, a bill was introduced in the House of Reps..... H. Res. 1300: Supporting efforts to raise awareness, improve education, and encourage research of inflammatory breast cancer.

Obviously, this is near and dear to my heart! I've been amazed by how many people (myself included!) had never heard of IBC. Let's get the word out!

I'd be grateful if you'd take a moment to write your Congressman or woman and ask them to support HRES 1300! If you'd like to read the full text of the bill, you can visit this website: http://www.govtrack.us/congress/billtext.xpd?bill=hr110-1300

If you aren't sure WHO your congress rep is, you can visit this website for help....http://www.house.gov/. Simply enter your zip code on the top left side of the page.

Thanks so much for your help! Together we CAN make a difference!

We now return you to the regularly scheduled blog! :-)

It's a Beautiful Day

2008-06-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

On Monday morning I woke up in a GREAT mood…..I’m DONE with cancer treatments! What a strange but wonderful feeling! The weekend my radiation burns were super itchy and rather painful. But, my Monday….it had subsided somewhat. I was alone in the house as the “boys” were at work and our daughter had left the day before for a week of camp. I relished the silence…..no TV, no music…..just me and my thoughts as I cleaned. I realized by about lunchtime that I was sighing an awful lot…..immense sighs of relief!

I’ve officially ditched the wig and wow…that felt great! I’m now sporting a very short and sassy “do.” I couldn’t help but smile today when the desk person where I get my PT complimented me on my new “haircut.” I just thanked him and didn’t bother explaining it was actually just the return of my own hair. And, it was nice to be seen as a “normal” person, not a cancer patient!!

Life just seems that much sweeter right now and I really hope I never lose this perspective. Sure….I knew before this battle how blessed I am and how precious life is, but honestly, never at this deep of a level. So now my life will be all sunshine and butterflies and nothing will ever bother me again!! And if you believe that, I’ve got some ocean front property in Arizona! But, I pray that I’ll be a kinder and gentler me. I hope I never take those whom I love for granted. And, continue to have that close fellowship with God!

We see the oncologist on July 9 and I’m hoping to hear I’m “NED.” No, I’m not changing my name….that stands for “No Evidence of Disease.” (I’d never heard that before this.) It’s what every cancer patient longs to hear and unfortunately, not everyone does.

Prayers of thanksgiving that radiation went well and that we are done! (we hope!) Also, I'd appreciate prayers for peace. I said to Dave I feel like the physical battle is over but the emotional one could be lurking around the corner. Is that headache ONLY a headache, or a symptom of something else? Should I be concerned with that shooting pain in my side? It can be a little unnerving!

But, for the most part, it’s been a boring and beautiful week…..grocery shopping, cleaning, meeting friends and celebrating life! “This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!” Have a joy-filled day!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

My Happy Ending

2008-06-06T19:17:00.000-07:00

Wow! It's been a busy, crazy week! I found myself celebrating a lot of "endings" this week. Wednesday at noon, I waved as the buses pulled out of school for the last this school year. And, although I'll miss seeing the kids and staff, I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief that I'd made it! Wednesday night I attended the MS Graduation and Thursday night I had the privilege of watching my niece graduate high school. Yet, these endings also signify new beginnings.....the kids on the bus were no doubt celebrating the beginning of summer (so am I!!), the MS students anticipate starting high school and the newly graduated seniors are looking forward to employment or college.

I'm preparing to celebrate the end of cancer treatments next Friday! I have five more radiation treatments left! I'm SO thankful to report it's been going better than I expected. Sure, my skin is getting a little crispy and I'm definitely feeling the "itch." But, I haven't been struck with the overwhelming tiredness. I am currently fighting a sinus infection and allergies, and that's been a drag, but I'm on meds and should be feeling better soon. So, on Friday, June 13th, as I pull out of the Cancer Care Center, I'll be celebrating a brand new beginning, too! I'm not going to lie...it will be an adjustment. For the last nine months, we've been actively fighting the cancer and now we are "done."I don't see my oncologist until beginning of July. I'll continue to receive a drug infusion every three weeks through November. But, I'm waiting for the official "declaration" that I am cancer-free.

Like those students who left school and learned lessons, we've learned many things throughout this journey. I'm looking forward to having time to just sit back and process all that has happened. Man, it's been a year! God has been SO faithful and has always met our needs! I'd appreciate prayers that this last week will go well and this infection will clear up. I haven't been able to sleep due to the coughing. And, please pray for peace as we wait to see the oncologist.

Here's to happy endings and brand new beginnings!! Hmm.....isn't God both the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end? Interesting!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

Go the Distance

2008-05-21T19:09:00.000-07:00

In my extended family, we have several athletes. I have a niece and nephew who run track and cross country, a niece who does gymnastics and a brother-in-law who competes in several triathlons a year. I’ve had the privilege of watching my nieces and nephew compete in several competitions. I’m amazed at how effortless they make it look. However, I know for a fact that they all spend hours each week practicing and staying in shape. They are strong athletes because of all the time they put in “behind the scenes.” If I were to attempt a 3 mile race or a flip flop, I’d fall on my face because I haven’t been properly trained. I feel like this lesson has become very clear to me throughout this experience with cancer. I need to stay in God’s Word and spend time in prayer to be a strong Christian. Without it, I will definitely fall on my face! Yet, I struggle with staying faithful and doing my spiritual exercise. I envy the discipline of athletes who train faithfully, despite snow, rain, sleet, pain or exhaustion. Dr. James Dobson has been quoted as saying his prayer is to “finish strong.” I totally get it! On a smaller scale, I feel like I see the “finish line” of cancer treatments. I’m counting the days and I’m heading into the final kick! As I view this entire experience and all the emotions associated with it, I don’t want to give the devil a foothold. I’ve been told by several people once it was all over, that was when it got tough. Kind of interesting, huh? So, I join Dr. Dobson in saying I want to finish strong, too and not stop "training" and growing as Christian!

Radiation is going well. As of today, I’ve got 12 down, 16 to go! I’m counting the days! The first few days, I developed a rash, which initially I thought were the burns starting already. It freaked me out a bit. But, turns out it was a reaction to the cream I’d been using to prevent burns. So far, I haven’t really felt any significant tiredness, so that’s been great! The Dr. warned me the last week and the week after will be the worst so we’ll just wait and see what happens. Fortunately, that will happen after school is over! “Normal” is slowly returning! Our eldest returned home from college, plans are being made for summer trips, we are looking forward to graduation celebrations with friends and family, I’m at work every day, enjoying evenings out with friends, and just living. Aside from my morning stop for radiation, my grey “crew cut” and some scars, I’m feeling great!

I’d appreciate prayers that my current energy level will continue and that any skin discomfort would be minimal. Pray that the radiation will be doing it's thing and zapping any stray cancer cells that remained! And, okay….is it wrong to pray for hair to grow more quickly? I’d love to be able to ditch the wig before it gets too warm outside!!

Thanks for your continued prayers and see you at the finish line!!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrew 12:1

Running this race in HIS Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

Climb Every Mountain

2008-05-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

This past summer, our family was blessed to be able to take an incredible trip!. We loaded up the mini-van and headed out west to see Bryce National Park, the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, the Hoover Dam and Sedona. One of our favorite places was Zion National Park. We met some dear friends there and spent the night in the park’s lodge, surrounded by mountains. The majesty and splendor of the park truly suited our maker’s name. And, we did sing “We’re marching in Zion, beautiful, beautiful Zion” several times!

We arrived there on a Friday afternoon and our friends arrived about an hour later, approximately at 3 pm. I thought we’d have a quiet night chatting and enjoying dinner. However, they suggested we hit the trails. It was 101 degrees (but it was a DRY heat…ha ha!) and this out of shape Midwesterner wondered if it was a good idea. But, not wanting to miss out on anything and anxious to chat with our friends, off I went. The hike they chose was a moderate hike and was divided into three parts…the lower, upper and middle Emerald Pools. The first part of the hike
was spectacular although I was “glowing” like a pig. Our daughter was bright red and exhausted and asked to go back to the lodge. Truthfully, I wanted to go back with her. But, Dave quickly volunteered so I wouldn’t miss anything. (I thought he had offered because he was pooped, too, but he proved me wrong the next day when he did the difficult Angel’s Landing hike.) Not wanting to be a wuss, I trudged on. The second part of the hike offered no shade and was a much steeper incline, climbing in what seemed like sand. After the first 100 yards, I realized this was NOT a good idea. Our friends are in fabulous shape and seemed to have no problem. I was sure I would not make it and decided to turn back. However, my friends were incredible….they offered me their walking stick, shared their extra water to cool me, slowed down to my pace and encouraged me constantly that I could do it. And, I’m proud to say…I did! But it wasn’t a solitary victory. It was due to encouragement of my friends.

I’ve thought about this hike a lot throughout this cancer journey. I know without a doubt we have made it through this, thanks to all the encouragement and prayers of friends, family and even strangers. It's been amazing the people God has brought into our lives! When we were weak and tired, help was offered in a variety of ways. When we were too exhausted and overwhelmed to cook, incredible meals were provided. Unexpected phone calls or gifts of love brightened some dreary days. Just going to the mailbox each day is a reminder of love and prayers….one of my favorite things to do! This hike has become such a cherished memory to me throughout my battle with cancer and Psalm 121 became SO real to me…..

I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?

My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.

The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.

The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;

the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

This Monday, I begin hopefully the final “leg” of this cancer hike. (FYI, the last part of the actual hike in Zion was incredible – more on that later!) Radiation begins at the Cancer Care Center at Good Samaritan Hospital. But, I’ve reached the point where I just want to be done and get on with life. I was able to return to school on Tuesday and that has been wonderful and such a blessing! Logically I realize I need radiation to eradicate any “stray” cancer cells that can’t be seen. But emotionally, I’m tired. So, I’d so appreciate prayers that I can finish strong and that the effects of the radiation will do their thing but not cause too many side effects or problems. I’m a little freaked out about the possibility of skin burns. But, as I'm reminded, God will watch over me, both now and forevermore!

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for helping encourage us up this mountain!! Lord willing, and if I can make it happen, I plan to return to Zion this summer, take that hike again, thank God for LIFE and give thanks for all of you!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK’s

Be Patient, Be Patient; Don't Be in Such a Hurry!

2008-04-19T12:48:00.000-07:00

Well, as you can maybe tell from my title, PATIENCE is going to be the subject of this blog entry! As in, I need some….NOW!! I feel as if I’m in a really weird spot in my cancer journey. I’ve commented to Dave I really thought I’d be feeling much better than I am now…thought I’d have less pain, more movement and feeling in my arm and more energy. Things have progressed more slowly than predicted, which has been somewhat frustrating. I’m still not able to drive (Dr.’s orders) and I had to postpone my return to work for at least another week. My husband keeps reminding me it's okay to SLOW DOWN….I had two surgeries within a 3 week span and my body is probably just beat. Yeah, yeah, yeah……but I’m READY to jump back into my life. I’m anxious to see all those those wonderful little faces at school, stop at Jamba Juice for a smoothie, go shopping with my daughter, go on a bike ride, cruise alone in the car, singing at the top of my lungs AND, get this….I’m even ready to (gasp!) DO LAUNDRY! My brain is in high gear, planning what to do next and my body just laughs and says “Yeah, right!”

Something else I’ve noticed is that when I’m feeling better, I lean less on God. Those early days of diagnosis I feel as if I spent a TON of time in prayer and devotions. I miss that. I know I’ve drifted away from that a bit and really need to get back on track! Yesterday, as I was thinking cranky thoughts, the verse “Be still and know that I am God” popped into my head. What a great reminder that rather than crabbing about what I CAN’T do right now, I need to quiet my heart to focus on Him and His will for my life. So, perhaps slowing things down is His way to bring me back to those quiet times.

I meet with the Radiologist for the first time this Tuesday. I’m hoping to leave that appointment with what to expect with the radiation treatments. Prayers would be appreciated that the appointment goes well, that my mobility progresses so I can drive soon and that the swelling I’m experiencing will subside. And, of course, some prayers for patience! Could you please do that RIGHT NOW? (Hee Hee!)

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

Amazing Grace!

2008-04-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

Although it is raining outside tonight, it's certainly not dampened the spirits inside the VK home. Dave has accused me of the "hanger stuck inside my mouth" smile. It's been a good week! As you know, we received fabulous news last Tuesday. I always thought that IF that kind of news ever came, I'd be screaming, jumping and acting like a crazy woman. Instead, my reaction was not what I expected. I sat at the dinner table, simply stunned. Then, when I began to call people with the news, I started sobbing. Dave had to run an errand with the kids that night and while they were gone I spent probably 10 minutes bawling my eyes out. Kind of weird, huh? It was just like this incredible relief and perhaps a release of all the emotions that I'd been holding in all these months. Maybe we should have bought stock in Kleenex!

Today, we had a follow-up appointment with my oncologist. As we pulled into the hospital, Chris Tomlin's rendition of "Amazing Grace" came on the radio. The words struck me as I contemplated the amazing grace of God's answer "yes" to the prayers for my healing. My Dr. had some more good news that the brain scan was fine and that the genetic testing came back negative. I asked her if my experience with IBC was typical and she said it wasn't and this was a better response than they could have hoped for. I also asked her about recurrence since IBC has a very high recurrence rate. She told me that because my tumor was so large and had responded so well, the chance of it returning are highly unlikely!! Woo-Hoo!!

The next step is radiation and that will be taking place at Good Samaritan Hospital which is much closer to home. The doctor I see there will determine how many treatments I will need.

Recovery continues to go well. I still have the drain which remains a pain, both figuratively and literally. I'm hoping it's removed on Thursday but it depends on the drainage output which has been pretty high since surgery. But, every day I feel a little better so we are making progress! Please pray that the drain can come out on Thursday and for no complications.

We continue to rejoice over here for the gift of life, both earthly and eternal, and sometimes through tears, but always with a heart full of thanksgiving to God.

My chains are gone
I've been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below (and, as we've been reminded, we never know for how long!)
Will be forever mine
Will be forever mine

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

Rejoice!!

2008-04-01T17:58:00.000-07:00

Here's a blog entry that is short and sweet! We received a call tonight during dinner with biopsy results. No cancer was found in any of the lymph nodes, margins were clear and the remnants of the tumor were microscopic! In layman's terms, this is VERY VERY good news!! THANK YOU LORD!!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

Little Things Mean a Lot

2008-03-29T11:26:00.000-07:00

Did you ever notice how much detail God puts into things? From exotic flower petals, to unique leaf colors, to each crystal snowflake, to downright weird looking sea creatures, to each distinct human being, His artistry is evident. Yet, in our busy lives, do we always notice those small, insignificant things? We often grumble about having to rake or shovel those "miracles." (ESPECIALLY if you are still getting snow end of March! What's up with that?)

I was reminded this morning of how special those little things can be! I was washing my face and noticed a small line of fringe on my eyelids. I THOUGHT I had seen something a few days back but this was unmistakable! I was SO excited....my eyelashes are returning! The men in my house probably don't understand my giddiness but my sister (who is here helping out for a few days) and my daughter shared my delight. It's just a small thing but it means so much to me! On a day when my arm is very weak and still in a decent amount of pain, a large incision constantly reminding me of surgery and dealing with a stupid drain, to have something return back to normal was huge for me! And, I won't lie when I say the vain part of me rejoices that I won't have "Betty Boopy" eyelashes anymore! So, just thought I'd share my excitement with my blog readers!

Recovery is going well.....every day is a little better. I've been able to catch some good "winks" of sleep but as a friend warned me, I probably won't get quality rest until the drain is out which could be another week. Grr! But, I'm in wonderful hands between my hubby and it's been great having my sister here! We hope to have biopsy results back on Monday.

So, as I dig out my mascara in anticipation, I hope you have an "eyelash" blessing day where you are able to celebrate something small and seemingly insignificant, but is important to you!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

When God's People Pray....

2008-03-26T08:15:00.001-07:00

Hey, Hey! It's me...."live" from room 350 at Rush Medical Center! Gotta love wireless internet and laptops! Today I am breathing a HUGE sigh of relief! Surgery is over and we have received a good preliminary report! We won't know for sure until the official biopsy comes back which they said will be 3-5 business days. But, the doctors were encouraging and said they didn't see any abnormalities. And, thankfully, they only had to take one string of the lymph nodes.

For the most part, things went pretty smoothly. Dave and I were both able to sleep a good 5-6 hours the night before surgery. I was a little nervous, understandably so, but as surgery got closer, I felt such peace and I KNOW it was the power of prayer! It was kind of funny because the staff "lost" me for a while, which actually delayed surgery a good hour. They had brought me down to the pre-op area and apparently I was put in the wrong stall so no one knew where I was. (I guess I still cause trouble, even when I'm trying to behave!) While I lay there all alone, again, I just felt so calm and at peace so thank you SO MUCH to all our prayer warriors!! After surgery I felt pretty groggy and slept on and off all day. I'm feeling much more alert today but still in some pain. I'll be going home sometime on Thursday.

So, prayers of thanksgiving that things went well and that things are looking good! Please pray for a good recovery and also for sleep! I've been having trouble sleeping the last couple of nights (gee...wonder why?) and it would be nice to get back to a regular sleep cycle.

I'll be sure to update once we get the official results. Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by and the care, love and concern you have shown our family!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and VK's

Only Hope

2008-03-22T20:20:00.000-07:00

The last few months, I've become very aware of the use of the word "hope." It's a word I probably say quite a few times a day, often over fairly trivial things. "I HOPE the weather is nice today. I HOPE the grocery store isn't crowded. I HOPE the delivery man is on time." You get the point. However, sometimes our "hopes" carry more weight....."I HOPE my friends have safe travel." I HOPE my niece's biopsy comes back negative." "I HOPE my friend is feeling God's peace in the loss of a parent."

When the Dr. told me it was IBC, being the computer nerd I am, I spent HOURS surfing the net looking for information and hope. Although it offered a ton of info, it didn't offer much hope. Site after site said people with IBC have a 50% change of making it five years. Those stats were depressing. That meant I had a 50% chance of seeing our youngest graduate high school. As a parent, that broke my heart. I'll admit, I probably cried more than slept that evening. Since then, we've learned new drugs have changed the outlook but they haven't been reflected in the stats. Our doctor assured us IBC can be cured. Recently, a board I frequent on-line of all IBC'ers counted it's members who were long term survivors. As I scrolled down and saw name after name of women who had made it 10 years, 20 years and even one 31 years, I cried. This time, the tears were those of hope.

However, after I thought about it, I realized perhaps I was putting my "hope" in the wrong things. Just because someone on that board survived 10 years, doesn't mean that is God's plan for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not being a pessimist. I've just come to understand that what will be, will be. It's all in God's hands. He is our ultimate Hope. Even when things in our lives seem hopeless, in the end, we have the promise of eternal life. As it says in Hebrews 11:1, "Now faith is the assurance of things HOPED for, the conviction of things not seen." As Christians, when our earthly hopes fail, our Heavenly Hope prevails!

Surgery is scheduled for this Tuesday. And yes, I'm HOPING for a good outcome! I'd be grateful if you could take a moment and pray that things will go smoothly. Specifically, please pray for peace for Dave and I, that the cancer will be gone, for minimal lymph node removal and a good recovery. It's unclear if I'll be in the hospital for one or two nights. It depends on how I'm doing and what our insurance decides.

We hope that you and yours have a Blessed Easter, celebrating the HOPE we were given at the empty tomb and our risen Lord!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

P.S. Good news...I finally got some of those closets cleaned out! :-)

I Haven't Got Time for the Pain!

2008-03-05T13:59:00.000-08:00

After writing my last blog, I figured it might be a while until my next update. I thought I'd be SO busy cleaning out closets and of course, having some fun! Monday was a good day.....I finally felt better with my cold. We had a fabulous dinner and afterwards, the kids and I played "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" (Apparently, I'm not!) However, as the evening progressed, I became aware of a dull pain on my right side. By bedtime, it was getting pretty bad. I attempted to go to sleep without any success. Around 12:45 am Tuesday morning, I talked to my Dr. who suggested I head to the ER. After HOURS of waiting and several tests, it was determined I had appendicitis and would need surgery ASAP to remove the appendix. The Dr. who delivered the news probably thought we were nuts because Dave and I both just started laughing. It was kind of like.."What else?" The OR's were all booked until early afternoon so surgery was set for 1:30 pm on Tuesday. They gave me some meds for the pain and we were brought to a room. When they took me to surgery, the med student wrote in her notes that I was "calm and relaxed." Um....no, more like EXHAUSTED as I'd been up a straight 32 hours by that point. Surgery went well and I spent the night in the hospital and was released Wednesday afternoon. I'm still in some pain, but it's nice to be home!

It might sound strange, but I'm thankful it happened when it did. God's timing is perfect! I had been having some intermittent pain there the past few months so I'm thinking my appendix was the culprit. My blood counts were okay for having surgery and thankfully, this didn't happen during my really "bad" part of chemo or during the Florida trip. And, having never had a surgery before, I better know what to expect for the next one. (Dave kept asking if we could just do them both and get a price break.) The staff was FABULOUS over at Rush and I was confident I was in good hands. As we waved goodbye to the staff we told them "See you in three weeks!" (I was told I'll probably be on the same floor next time, too)

So, please pray for a good recovery without any complications. They reassured us this should not interfere with the next surgery. Also, please pray for some "boring" in our lives!! It's really been a crazy couple of weeks! Thanks so much for your prayers, support and concern! Here's hoping my next blog update is really dull!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

Can You Read My Mind?

2008-03-02T14:46:00.000-08:00

Yep...it's a picture of me! I had the brain MRI this past Thursday and they also gave me a disk with the images. I thought they were pretty cool! We are still waiting for results. The test went well, although it was a little freaky. I'm not really a claustrophobic person but as the table moved me into the machine, I had a fleeting moment of panic. I closed my eyes, said a quick prayer and just listened to the strange percussion "concert" while inside the machine and then I was fine.

This past "post-chemo" went okay....I wasn't as severely tired but it has seemed to last longer. Although, just as I was starting to come out of the chemo haze, I came down with a really bad cold. And, unfortunately, so did the rest of the family, although Dave and I have been hit the worst. So, between chemo and the cold, I feel like I've just been "down" for a long time. There are so many things I'd like to get done before surgery so it's somewhat frustrating to be doing nothing. I never thought I'd see the day when I wished I felt better so I could clean out a closet!

Prayers would greatly be appreciated that the scan comes back as good news. Please pray that we will get over these colds and stay healthy so surgery can stay on schedule.

Thanks for stopping by! I'll update once we get results back from the scan.

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

P.S. And, no "Wow....you really DO have a brain" jokes in the comments! (You know who are are!) ;-)

Raining on the Inside

2008-02-22T15:59:00.000-08:00

You’ve heard the expression “Into each life, a little rain must fall?” Well, we’ve kind of been having that kind of week! Monday was a day off so I planned to do my typical pre-chemo “nesting.” I hoped to get caught up on laundry and get the house cleaned up. During my 2nd load, our washing machine gave out. (Ironically, our stove died two weeks ago and had to be replaced as well.) Dave took a look at it when he got home and the part we needed was over $200 so it wasn’t worth trying to fix so we moved it into the garage. Next morning, we woke up to a BIG mess. One of the pipes had leaked all night long into our finished basement. The ceiling drywall was drenched and had collapsed, leaving a good 20x7 foot hole in our ceiling and soaking wet carpet. Dave took the day off to clean up the mess. That night we went shopping for a new machine and thankfully, found a GREAT deal on a machine that could be delivered the next day. However, Dave’s car began making a horrible noise and now his car needs to be fixed. Then we talked to our son at college and the “Check Engine” light went on in that car, too. Grr!

Thursday was chemo. I was SO excited it was my last one and brought in cookies for the staff to celebrate. However, talking to the Dr., she mentioned depending on what they find during surgery, I may need more chemo. It’s never been mentioned as a possibility so it was a harsh reality check. Also, I had several bouts of vertigo after my last chemo which I mentioned to the Dr. and she ordered a brain MRI to check it out. So, just a lot to digest on a day I thought I’d feel relief and joy!

Prayers would be appreciated that I WON’T need more chemo and that the brain scan comes back as nothing! (Well, at least that it shows a brain!) I've heard from several people that one of the chemo drugs I'm on CAN cause dizziness. I talked to a friend of mine who said that is one of the unsettling things about cancer…..you just never know what is around the corner. And, that’s hard for me to not know what to expect because I’m such a “planner.” (I'm already trying to figure out if we can squeeze in a vacation this summer and when I can expect my hair to grow back!)

But again, God has not been silent. As we checked out and made some follow-up appointments, hanging on the wall of the cubicle was this verse….”Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (I Peter 5:7) What a great reminder that we have a God who cares about us and the things that trouble us! Whether it be leaking basements, car problems, broken appliances, health issues, or broken hearts, He is always there and ready to listen!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK’s

Girls Just Want to have Fun!

2008-02-18T11:25:00.000-08:00

One thing that has been really important to me through all this is to try to keep things as “normal” as possible. When your life gets turned upside down, normal and even mundane activities can become a real comfort. I hate to miss out on things I normally enjoy. One thing I LOVE to do is travel! Years ago, and long before the movie, my family christened me “Happy Feet” because I’m always looking forward to my next vacation or a new place to visit. When I was diagnosed, I thought it would be a while until I could take a trip and that was depressing to me. I had a tentative trip planned with girlfriends to Florida for this February and was sad I would now miss it. I thought “Hopefully, next year.” However, God is good and details fell into place for me to still go and it would be during my “good” week. When I asked the Dr. if I could go she replied “Cindy, I don’t think you ‘can’ go, I think you SHOULD go!” She then proceeded to write me a “prescription” for a trip to Florida! How could Dave argue with that? I was a little worried, thinking what if something happens and I’m far from home? I’m happy to report that I’m now home from my trip to Florida and we had a GREAT time! It was so wonderful to be there and not have to think about treatments, Dr. appointments and what happens next. We enjoyed sunny weather in the high 70’s, walking the beach, shopping, reading by the pool, eating at great restaurants, laughing (a LOT!) and celebrating the gift of friendship and being alive! It was so nice to take a “vacation” from cancer and I think it was probably good for the family, too! I just felt “normal!” (Well, as “normal” as I get!!)

My next chemo is this Thursday, February 21 and my LAST one! YEAH!! The surgeon appointment went well and surgery is scheduled for Tuesday, March 25. I’m asking for prayers that this last treatment goes well. It took me a good week to really bounce back from the last one. I was tired and cranky! Also, praise for the great trip…it really was good for me emotionally. Please continue to pray for all of us as we continue to figure out “living” with cancer.

In the condo we stayed at in Florida, there was a magnet on the fridge with Isaiah 40:31, which as I mentioned in an earlier posting, is my favorite verse. As I re-read those words I know by heart, He gently reminded me that He WILL renew our strength just when we need it. I love how God speaks to us, even with a refrigerator magnet!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK’s

Lullabye and Good Night!

2008-02-06T18:31:00.000-08:00

Well, Chemo #5 happened almost a week ago and I figured it was time to check “Update Blog” off my to-do list! Chemo itself went very well! Very little waiting this time around, which was nice. My chemo buddy was a good friend and we had a very enjoyable chat during the infusion part. Dave called about midway through to see how things were going and THEN asked if she had beat me at cards. (Probably the REAL reason he called!) Hey..you can’t lose if you don’t play, right? We also managed to avoid much of the snow that hit the area as we were done by 1 pm. Even had enough time to stop at Starbucks for a hot chocolate (and yes, more chatting!)

My physical complaints are few this time, which has been really nice. However, the fatigue has been really bad. I spent all Saturday in bed sleeping. (I didn’t know a person COULD sleep that much!) That was hard because it was our daughter’s 12th birthday. Granted, we had celebrated about a week ago when our son was home from college, but I still feel like I "missed" the day. Dave was a great dad and took her and her cousin rock climbing and it sounds like they had a blast. On Sunday, about 5:30 pm I gathered all my energy to make my first trip downstairs to watch the Super Bowl with Dave and promptly fell asleep….again! You’ll be happy to know I DID manage to stay awake for the 2nd half. What a great game! (Well, if you were cheering for the Giants!) Monday I didn’t even attempt work. By Monday evening, I was bored out of my mind! If you know me, I don’t like to sit a lot…I’m always looking for something fun to do. I was still really tired and just frustrated! (If you don’t believe me, ask my fam!) Tuesday morning came and my “bored” self decided I was going to work. My body said “What!? Are you kidding me?” I made it through the day and that brings us to today. Feeling better, but not great yet. Let’s just say I’m REALLY glad there is only one more treatment left! YEAH!!

We see the surgeon this Friday. Many people have asked if the mass is gone, do I still need surgery? Unfortunately, the answer to that is yes. Inflammatory Breast Cancer is different because it isn’t a contained tumor. It grows in “nests” or “sheets” and infiltrates the tissue. Because it is such an aggressive type, chemo, followed by surgery and radiation is recommended to increase the chance of long term survival. And, since I’d like to be around for a while, I’ll go with it!

And, forgive me for the “ad” but I thought these were really cool and decided to share because it seems everyone knows someone who has or had breast cancer and this is a good cause. My Nurse Practitioner, Teri, makes and sells these adorable bracelets with proceeds going to the Rush University Breast Cancer Research Fund. They are a really beautiful piece of jewelry made with Swarovski crystal and sterling silver for $30. Of course, I bought one….leave it to me to SHOP at chemo! If you are interested, you can order them from her website at http://www.bobbiesbracelets.com. (FYI, the photo of the bracelet on her site really doesn't do it justice!)

We would really appreciate prayers that the appointment with the surgeon goes well and that we will be able to make wise decisions. Also, please pray I’ll have a boost in energy. I’ve got things to do and place to go!! I hope I didn’t sound too whiney this entry….I’m just being honest as to what is going on. As we battle cancer and the tiredness it brings, on so many levels, we continue to rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK’s

Live Out Loud

2008-01-28T20:21:00.000-08:00

Wow! It's been a long time since my last update! This last cycle has been an interesting one. The first three to four days after chemo were probably some of the worst I've had. The Dr. had warned me the affects of the chemo would be cumulative and may worsen as time went on. So, I just figured it was going to take me longer to bounce back each time. The Monday morning after chemo I woke up with every intention to go to work. I got into the shower and thought "No way!" and went back to bed. Tuesday I managed to make it work and collapsed on the couch when I got home. Wednesday morning I woke up and it was like someone had flipped a switch because I felt absolutely fabulous! Probably the best I've felt since this all started! The joke in our house has been that Dave can always tell when it's week three because I'm never home and when I DO return, it's always with shopping bags. (In my defense, it's usually boring stuff like groceries or the famed Target run!) This time around, I had TWO great weeks so I've been out there LIVING!! A friend of my son told me I've been "crazier" since I've had cancer. At first I thought, "How rude!" but then I realized he may be right! All those insignificant things that we all "worry" about just don't seem to matter to me right now. So, when I am feeling well, I'm going to laugh a little more and enjoy the moment! (And, probably embarrass my children along the way!)

However, Sunday evening I was reminded again that we just never know what is around the corner. A friend of mine who is battling breast cancer and was hoping for a clean scan this month discovered that she now has a brain tumor. My heart just breaks for her and her family. And, truthfully, it shook me up a little bit, too. I'm feeling SO good....could bad news be around the corner for me, too? And again, I'm amazed at how God sends us the right Bible passage "just in time." The day before, I read Psalm 62:2 "He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." So, as I lift my friend up in prayer, I will continue to cling to that Rock!!

Chemo #5 is this Thursday. I'm so thankful for the incredible health our family has had since October! And, my throat/gland problem was non-existent this cycle which was a huge relief! I'm convinced it was a combination of medicine and lots of prayer!! Please pray that chemo will go smoothly and for another round like the last one! (Although Dave may not appreciate it because I'll be shopping and out with friends again!!) And, please pray for my friend who has more chemo, radiation and possibly surgery in the near future.

Thanks again for reading our "life story." I'll update again after chemo.

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

Sing your Praise to the Lord!

2008-01-10T20:07:00.000-08:00

Hi! Remember that hope I had talked about in my last blog....how I was HOPING for a good year with some good news? Well, ten days into the first year, we received some great news! Chemo was today (January 10). As usual, blood was drawn for labs and then we met with our Nurse Practioner and then Doctor. Our NP did the initial exam. She simply said "Wow.....I don't feel anything." A minute later, the Dr. walked in. Her opinion is the one that really counts. She did the exam and also exclaimed "Wow." She continued the exam and again said "Wow!" She then said "Cindy....there is no longer a measurable mass. I don't feel anything!!" Three weeks ago, we were told the tumor was at 6x6 cm. I was HOPING for a 4x4 and would have been THRILLED with a 4x4....more than half-way with still half the chemo treatments left to go. But....GONE? Inconceivable!! I looked back and forth at both of them.....our NP gave me a hug, the Dr. said "Happy New Year!" and I burst into tears of happiness!! The Dr. explained there still could be cancer cells that she can't feel and the pathology report will tell us more at surgery. (But, we still have two more chemo sessions to hopefully get all those cells!) She told us not all people respond this well and this is the best outcome we could hope for. Hey...there's that word again.....HOPE!!! We were given a wonderful gift of hope! As we waited the next hour to be called for chemo, the phrase "no longer a measurable mass" kept running through my head and I couldn't stop the tears of joy and prayers of thanksgiving! What an incredible answer to prayer!! We can't begin to thank everyone for the way you are lifting us up through all of this!

As you can imagine, chemo went well! Dave was my last-minute chemo buddy because Dad and Mom Van Kampen were planning to take me this time. However we received a phone call about 8:00 pm Wednesday night that Mom had slipped and had a really bad sprain and possible break of her ankle and they were heading to the hospital. When I talked to Dad again later that night, they had cast her foot. Please pray for her that the ankle will heal properly and the pain to be manageable. Anyways, they were yet another hope for me to win at cards. Instead, I was "stuck" (love ya, honey!) with my ruthless husband who yes, beat me again in both games. But, like I told him....it's okay.....I'd much rather win the battle of cancer than win at cards!!

Prayer requests...that's pretty easy this time....THANK YOU, LORD!! Also, again for the side effects to be okay the next few days. My most annoying issue continues to be a gland/throat/mouth problem that lasts about a week. They are trying something that may help...please pray it will give me some relief.

I'd like to end with the passage Ephesians 3:20-21: "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

In HIS Strength,

A very happy Cindy and the VK's

Another Auld Lang Syne

2008-01-06T14:41:00.000-08:00

Happy 2008! Being the sentimental sap that I am, New Year's Eve has always been a day I spend time reflecting on the past year. Some years, I can't wait to bid "farewell" to the old and ring in the new. Other years, I'm sad to say goodbye to a particularly good year. This year at midnight on New Year's Eve as I lifted my glass of sparkling grape juice with friends, someone in our group said "Here's to a good year!" It a weird feeling to know some of the things this year will most likely bring for us....three more chemo treatments, surgery in the Spring followed by radiation treatments. Not exactly "fun" things to look forward to with anticipation! But, these are all necessary "evils" that will hopefully get rid of all the cancer cells. The verse Jeremiah 29:11 keeps running through my head....."For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." And, while I'd love to think MY plans are HIS plans, I know that's not always the case. So, I'm content in knowing the future is in HIS hands but I'm HOPING for a good year that brings us good news!!

Chemo #4 is this Thursday. Can you believe it? Time is really flying! We had a great Christmas break. Our oldest returned back to college today and it was such a blessing to have the whole family together for almost 3 weeks! Thankfully, I felt pretty good and was able to enjoy some great meals, visit with friends and family that are dear to us, play games (which I STILL lost!) watch movies and just BE! School starts again for the kids and I so it's back to the normal schedule. Waking up early is going to be a rude awakening.....literally! :-)

I'm starting to feel like a broken record, but I'm asking for prayers, that again....all my levels will be okay and that chemo can continue on schedule. And for more good news that it continues to shrink! I'm VERY thankful that I haven't experienced any of the really nasty side effects of one of the drugs (like losing fingernails and toenails) but I did have some bad bone pain for two days this time around. Please pray that it doesn't get any worse!

So, while we hope for a good year, we also hope all of YOU have a good year too!! May 2008 bring you good memories. laughter and lots of love!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

Joy to the World!

2007-12-21T19:51:00.000-08:00

Hi Everybody! It's me again! Chemo #3 went off without a hitch. More good news that the tumor continues to shrink! All my levels were within normal range and that concern I mentioned is something they will keep an eye on but it doesn't seem to be anything serious. YEAH!! The Dr. and nurse we met with were very encouraging. My chemo buddy this time around was a great friend who just makes me smile! We had a lot of fun, met some nice people and thankfully, didn't get kicked out of chemo for being too silly! Although, she ALSO beat me at cards! Are you noticing a pattern here? WANTED: A chemo buddy who lets me win at cards!

We are asking for prayers that again, side effects will be minimal and we can enjoy the holidays with family and friends! I'm looking forward to hugging some friends, nieces and nephews I haven't seen in a while. (You've been warned, guys!) Also, for continued good health for us. And, praise that the chemo is doing it's thing!

So, while we are feeling better about our situation, I can't help but think about people I care about who are right now going through their own personal grief. A recent cancer diagnosis of a young father, grieving the loss of a loved one, dealing with an ill parent, financial situations....ths list goes on. At this time of year, when it seems we are all supposed to resemble a happy Christmas card, it just makes things that much more difficult! Having Christmas "joy" can just be really tough! But, then we need to remember the MEANING of the word joy.....Joy as a fruit of the spirit is much more than "happy" because it transcends circumstances, surprises, disappointments, pain, life and even death. Nehmiah 8:10 says "The Joy of the Lord is our strength." As a Christian going through a tough time, what a blessing to have TRUE joy of hope in Him. And, at Christmas, that is something even this "Grinch" can truly celebrate ...the genuine joy that came down to us at Christmas.

We wish you all a joy-filled holiday season, no matter whether you are experiencing storms or sunshine! Have a beautiful 2008! Thank so much for stopping by!

In His Strength,

Cindy & the VK's

Here we go again!

2007-12-18T19:04:00.000-08:00

Hi friends! The time is drawing near for Chemo #3. That happens this Thursday, on December 20. All in all, it's been a pretty good 2 weeks. I felt a little more tired, but hey, it's Christmas time! You find me ANY parent who isn't a little more tired this time of year! It's been kind of interesting as I've come to appreciate the days I'm feeling "good." This past week was really a fun one! A night out with a girlfriend, our Small Group Christmas party (always a lot of laughs!), dinner and a show with friends, laughing with the kids at school, Worship on Sunday, dinner with Dave's folks, our daughter's Christmas Band concert....just "normal" stuff. I commented to Dave on Sunday that I've had chunks of time when I've just forgotten I HAD cancer. It was just such a good feeling! And, truthfully, I think it's a little harder this time knowing I'll be feeling rotten during the holidays. But, on the flip side, it's nice to know when this one is over, I'll be half-way done with chemo!! And, knowing that the chemo is doing it's thing and the tumor is responding, well, that just makes it easier to swallow! And, I know it could be worse so I can't complain!

I'd really appreciate prayers again that all my levels will be okay so chemo can stay on schedule. I've got one thing that concerns me so please pray it isn't anything serious. Prayers of thanks for good health, especially during cold and flu season! Also, we are so grateful for the ways we are being loved through this! It has been an amazing experience and literally brings me to tears of thanksgiving!

I'll update again after chemo. Thanks for stopping by!!

In His Strength,

Cindy & the VK'S

Isn't She Lovely?

2007-12-09T18:41:00.000-08:00

Wow! It's been a while since my last update. So, thought I'd take a moment to let you know what's been going on. My 2nd "post-chemo" experience has been SO much better than the first! First, I was much less anxious this time around. It was more like "oh yeah, I remember this." Those prayers for peace were definitely answered! I felt a tad more tired but nothing a little sleep doesn't cure! Dave said he can always tell when I'm feeling better because I'll start to "argue" with him about things. Who? Sweet little agreeable me? Surely he is mistaken! :-)

I was correct in saying the hair dryer would outlast the hair. The Friday after chemo I was losing large clumps of hair. I tired of finding it in my mouth, on the couch and figured one swift wind and it would be gone anyways. So, I called my good friend and hair dresser and she was able to take me that afternoon to do the "buzz." I was okay at first but Saturday it really bothered me for some reason. That night, I walked into my bathroom, put away my hair dryer and curling irons and I'll admit, had a little cry. Sunday morning I woke up and just felt "ugly." Society puts such emphasis on looks and I wasn't liking what I saw. I decided to remind myself what God holds of value and turned to Proverbs 31. Yes, that chapter that talks about the "perfect" woman. We all "hate" her, don't we ladies? (I once saw a shirt that said "I'm a Proverbs 32 Woman.....I sleep in until noon and my house is a mess." Hysterical....I want one!) I just wanted to be reminded that "Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain; But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." However, as I scanned the chapter, verse 25 caught my eye. "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." It stopped me in my tracks and I thought "I'd much rather laugh that feel sorry for myself!" Dave and I had a good talk that night, and I can honestly say I've made peace with my bald head. Bald is beautiful, baby! I've got a great wig...and life goes on!

Prayers would be appreciated for continued health. And, that during this crazy, busy, stress-filled holiday season, ALL of us have a chance to celebrate the birth of our Savior! HE's the reason for the season!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

I'm on the Top of the World!

2007-11-29T19:52:00.000-08:00

Yep...it's me again! I just had to share some incredible news. We had our second chemo session today, which went really well! (Aside from Dave beating me at cards!) Before chemo, we met with the Dr, who examined me. She said the tumor has shrunk about 4 centimeters!! This just amazes me that from ONE session, we had such a great response!! To put things into perspective, the tumor was at about 10 centimeters so that is a significant reduction. The Dr. said she is "very pleased!" So are we!! I'm doing the dance of joy!

Tonight at dinner devotions, it was my turn to read the Bible. I did okay but when I got to this verse, I got rather choked up and had to pass the Bible to Dave to finish....."And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. " (2 Corinthians 9:8) What an incredible encouragement to be reminded that in ALL things at ALL times, we have ALL we need! We are surrounded by God's grace to do His work. We are not on our own power because God makes His grace abound to us! Even on those days we are tired, frustrated, or feeling cruddy, He can still use us! I guess I never really thought about it like that.

Speaking of feeling cruddy, if last time is any indication, Saturday, Sunday and Monday will be the days I'm really beat. But, somehow, I think they'll be a little "sweeter" knowing we are making progress!

So, to my wonderful prayer warriors, major PRAISE for this great news!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

Give Thanks, with a Grateful Heart!

2007-11-27T16:22:00.000-08:00

Hi All! It's been a while so I thought it was time for another update. We had a fabulous Thanksgiving with a lot for which to be thankful! I've always really liked Thanksgiving...it's a low key holiday with none of the pressure to "be merry" or perfect gift expectations. Instead, it's a chance to gather with friends and family, eat lots of good food and be grateful for our blessings. (Plus I love all the pumpkin and pilgrim decorations! They are just so cute!) This year, our list of things for which we are thankful was a little different.....we were thankful for an excellent oncologist, for all the love, support and prayers of everyone throughout this ordeal and for the way God has placed so many "medical" people in our live to help answer our questions. Our Pastor had a great sermon Thursday morning where he pointed out we are told to to be thankful IN all circumstances, not necessarily FOR all circumstances. I can honestly say I don't know that I'll ever be thankful for cancer. But, we can be thankful for the way God takes care of us through our trials. And, that is something for which we are, well, thankful!

Chemo #2 happens this Thursday. This appointment will be proceeded by labs where they will check several things to make sure I'm healthy enough for another session. Please pray that everything will be okay so we can continue with treatment. I'm also grateful for a really good past week! I'm hoping that now that I've gone through this once, I'll know a little bit more what to expect. Also, please pray for peace....it's a bit unsettling when each new thing occurs wondering "Is this normal?" I'm definitely learning that I'm NOT in charge right now!

Oh, and the hair is still there, although I'm "shedding" quite a bit. My hair dryer is making a horrible noise and I'm wondering what will go first, the dryer or the hair! My money is on the hair!

I hope that all of you had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend! Thanks again for your love and support!!

In His Strength,

Cindy & The VK's

Just Give Me a Head with Hair, Long Beautiful Hair...

2007-11-17T12:38:00.000-08:00

Okay Ladies....let's be honest. We have all looked in the mirror at one point or another and thought "I HATE my hair." I know I have! When I was young, it was thin and never did what I wanted it to do. I was from the generation of the Farrah Fawcett curls and it never seemed to want to "flip" correctly. As I got older, I found a fabulous stylist and friend who understands my hair and knows how to clip, color and style it so it behaves. And, although it's not perfect, it's mine and I like it! It's a weird feeling to look in the mirror and know it will probably be gone in less than a week. I've been told hair loss usually begins on day 14, which will be Thanksgiving. I heard on the radio that for 60% of women facing cancer, losing their hair is their number one worry. Yeah, I can relate. I'm wondering if I will resemble the female version of Mr. Clean.

However, as usual, my dear hubby put things into perspective. He reminded me that although the chemo will make me lose my hair, it's saving my life. We're told in Matthew 10:29-31 "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." I know that God will see me through yet another part of dealing with this cancer. Who knows....maybe my wig will be even better than my own hair! Plus, I'll get to pick out some cute hats and scarves. I'm already thinking that getting ready in the morning will take less time. And, of course, the "frugal" part in me appreciates the money I'll save on my hair the next year. But, I'll honestly admit, I'll look forward to it's return!

Our first "post-chemo week" went pretty well. I felt great the day after and thought "this isn't so bad." But, Saturday morning, the extreme fatigue set in and I did a lot of sleeping over the weekend. I also experienced a couple of annoying side effects, one that warranted a return trip to the Dr. but nothing serious. I'm definitely on the upswing and hoping things will remain stable until my next chemo session on Thursday, November 29.

A real concern of mine is getting sick so please pray that our family stays healthy! Also, for the side effects of the chemo to subside. Praise that I was able to work this past week..it was good to be there. And, as always, that the chemo will do its thing and shrink that tumor!!

Thanks for stopping by and "hairs" to you for your prayers and support! :-)

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

We've Only Just Begun.....

2007-11-08T18:37:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends! Today was our first chemo session. It's the first step in what will be a tough battle but it felt SO good to finally be doing something! We arrived down at Rush around 9:30 and met our chemo nurse who was wonderful! She was a Christian lady who had such a gentle spirit and we really hit it off well! We were given a private room, since it was our first treatment. It was a little disconcerting hearing all the side effects that could happen while receiving the drugs and then to make matters worse, before we began with the chemo drugs a woman nearby had a really bad reaction and things sprung into high gear. The doctor was called, nurses went running....things were pretty tense for a few moments. Thankfully, she was treated quickly and was able to continue her chemo. Not something you want to see when you are waiting to begun. I'm happy to report things went very smoothly for us. We had no problems with any of the meds. We can feel how we are being bathed in prayer!!! Dave and I came prepared to wait because we had been warned. We brought books, magazines, movies, cards, MP3's, blankets, snacks, laptops. It's like we were moving in! Pretty hysterical! We landed up playing cards all day. Dave destroyed me the first game but I came back and beat him the next two. He CLAIMS he let me win, but sorry, I'm not buying that!! :-) We arrived home around 6 pm and enjoyed a great dinner. The nurse doubts I'll have too much stomach problems because they gave me a ton of drugs to curtail that. Tiredness should kick in tomorrow. We'll see how that goes.

I had an epiphany early this week because this past weekend, I spent a lot of time worrying. Turns out my ankle was actually fractured so I worried about needing a cast (thankfully, I didn't!). I worried about chemo, I worried about our kids, I worried about long term survival, I worried I won't be able to work due to poor white blood counts, I worried about the cancer coming back, (uh, Cindy....let's get rid of it first!). Thankfully, God hit me over the head with this passage....

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' (Comment from CVK: Does this mean I don't need to cook or do laundry? Ha ha!) For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-29

Now, I realize, we all have more "worries" ahead....it's just human nature. I don't think God wants us to bury our worries, put on a happy face and say everything is great all the time. He knows that we are frail. But, we do need to carefully examine these verses and realize that we DO need to seek HIS kingdom first. Personally, I love verse 27 that says.. Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? What a great statement! Instead, I know I wasted time worrying, rather than enjoying the moment. This will be an ongoing challenge for me!

Well, I've rambled on long enough. We truly can't thank you all enough for your prayers...it's a gift of unmeasurable comfort and strength to all of us! Please pray for minimal side effects, that I will stay healthy to do my job (I love the staff and kids at TC, they make me smile!!), and for health for our family. If we can pray for something for you, please don't hesitate to let us know!!!

Thanks for reading this epic! Have a great weekend!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

P.S. I had to take of picture of Dave's shirt! Isn't it great?

Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug!

2007-11-01T17:02:00.000-07:00

Did you ever just have "one of those days?" That was yesterday for me! It started out well enough with Bible Study, I ran into a good friend at the grocery store and then went home and got some work done. But, at 2:40 pm, I received a call from my surgeon. I could tell she was upset. She first apologized for always having to call me with bad news and then went on to say the biopsy confirmed it was Inflammatory Breast Cancer. It almost felt like being diagnosed all over again. After the biopsy on Monday, I was really beginning to think it wasn't going to be the "bad" kind. But, it was. I had about an hour to pull myself together before Erin came home. I talked to some friends and family and that really helped. Erin arrived home and I helped her get ready with her costume and went outside to take photos of her and her friend. However, when I stepped off our front stoop, I twisted my ankle something horrible and landed up on my front lawn, in some serious pain. Thankfully, my neighbor was getting her mail and she helped me get up and limp into the house. All I could think was "You have GOT to be kidding!" You reach a point where you just got to laugh, you know? I said I think the sprained ankle was God's way to help me keep my mind off the diagnosis! A good friend stopped by in the evening and by the time I limped off to bed, I felt better about the whole thing. We're just back with the original diagnosis.

We have decided to go with the Dr. at Rush and spoke to their office today. They wanted one more scan, this time of my heart. Details fell into place quickly and that will be taking place tomorrow. Then, chemo will begin next Thursday, November 7. I'm told it will be a total of six sessions and they'll take place every three weeks.

Ever since I received the news yesterday, Romans 8:38-39 has kept running through my head. (with a small edit from me, in red) See kids? Memorizing scripture really IS important! :-)

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, (including cancer!) will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I know these weren't the results we had hoped and prayed for, but I am confident that God will carry us through this storm!! Absolutely NOTHING can separate us from His love!!

We'd be grateful if you could pray for continued peace for our family and that the treatment will be effective! The surgeon did say it's very unusual that it hasn't spread, considering the size of the tumor. That is very encouraging news!! Please pray that we will have positive interactions with the staff and other patients at chemo. Also, please pray that my ankle feels better!

Here's praying that everyone has a "windshield" rather than "bug" kind of day!!

In His Strength,

Hop-a-Long and the rest of the VK's

We're all in this together!

2007-10-30T20:13:00.000-07:00

(Apologies to all our friends with young kids. This blog title could make you break into a song from Disney's "High School Musical! )

One thing that has become apparent to Dave and I the past few weeks is that cancer touches everyone's life. Some are survivors, some are still fighting, some have lost loved ones, some are support to those who are battling. Our family has lost friends, both young and old to this deadly disease. We've heard stories of encouragement and strength. Many have gone through this before us and many will follow. This blog tells the story of our unique journey through a new world of procedures, medical jargon, decisions and difficulties. But, we know that we, and anyone else who walks through the valleys of life, never walks alone. What a blessing to be part of the family of God and know that our Father is leading the way!

The skin biopsy took place on Monday. Now, we wait (I'm getting better at it!) for results, probably on Thursday or Friday. Not too much else to report. Just please pray for good results and not IBC, (I'm starting to sound like a broken record!) and for peace with the treatment plan. We are learning there are many things to consider and we want to make wise decisions, with help from our doctors.

So, that about sums up what is new over at the VK's. I'll update again once we get results from the biopsy. Thanks for stopping by!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

(Is it just me or does that sound like it could be a name of a 70's band?) ;-)

God is in Control!

2007-10-27T07:38:00.000-07:00

This past Thursday morning, after a cruddy night's sleep, I woke up in a frustrated mood. Although we had received some hope the night before, I couldn't help but think....."Wow...if this IS IBC, we are wasting precious time!" Everything I had read and heard said time is of the essence with treating this type. The Dr. reassured me it's more important to know what kind we are treating and another week won't make a difference. However, the "Control Freak" in me just wants to get started!!

As I went to get breakfast, I saw a book I had received the day before from a friend entitled "Grace for the Moment" by Max Lucado. I opened it up and on the first page I read this...

"He [God] stands between us and our need, waiting to help us. For that reason, the Bible says "Let us boldly approach the throne of our gracious God, where we may receive mercy and his grace to find timely help." (Hebrews 4:16 NEB). Did you note those two last words? "Timely help." Not too soon, not too late,. Just on time."

WOW!! Talk about your "burning bush" moment!! Again, I just turned this whole thing over to God (it's going to be an on-going process!) and felt such peace!! His timing is perfect....who am I to question that?

On the medical front, the skin biopsy is scheduled for Monday morning. I'm told results won't be back until Wednesday or Thursday, so I'm thinking Friday. :-) Until then, we have a lot of things to keep us busy and will live in the moment, knowing God is in control! Keep praying!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

P.S. Speaking of hope, (and on a MUCH different level) GO BEARS!!!

I Hate This Part!

2007-10-24T20:17:00.000-07:00

I LOVE roller coasters! However, I detest going up that first big hill....it makes me a nervous wreck. I even have a little thing I say as the cart clicks upwards. Friends who sit next to me think it's hilarious as I chant "I hate this part, I hate this part, I hate this part." But, once the car reaches the top and zooms downhill, I'm the fool in the front row, hands up, laughing my head off. I LOVE that feeling. Well, right now, I feel like we are still on our way up that hill and uncertain what happens next. I hate this part!

We met with the specialist today down at Rush. It was a long appointment but we are so glad we went. Basically, she felt they can't be sure that it IS Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Several of the results of my Path report didn't jive with typical IBC symptoms. It is definitely some form of breast cancer....they just aren't sure which one. So, they have ordered a skin biopsy which will give them a little more information. If it comes back positive, then it IS IBC and we'll begin with chemo. If it comes back negative, we'll most likely have surgery first, although it still COULD be IBC. Surgery would then be followed by chemo. Truthfully, the prognosis is MUCH better if it is just a "normal" kind of breast cancer. (It would be nice to be "normal" for a change! Ha ha!) So, to all our prayer warriors out there who like to pray for specific things...please pray it ISN'T Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Also, that things will fall into place with this next biopsy.

As we continue this roller coaster ride, we are so thankful we know WHO is driving! We are confident that God will never steer us off course and know that He supplies our pure joy. Thanks so much for the prayer support and going on this "ride" with us!!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

Oh what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day!!

2007-10-19T09:33:00.001-07:00

YEAH! We heard from the Dr. today that the CAT scan showed no suspicious findings and as he said "things look very very good!" So, it looks like it has not spread!!! It's amazing how your perspective changes in the course of two weeks. We are SO thankful to be at "only"a 3b cancer stage! Praise the Lord! I feel a little bit like it's a pregnancy....we got good news (relatively speaking!) and we know we have a tough road ahead......nausea, headaches, tiredness, hair loss, surgery (hopefully no swelling ankles!) but at the end, we have a beautiful NEW life and things will never be the same!!

Things are falling into place with Dr.'s as well. We've had so many "God-sightings" through this and is has been amazing to watch as everything has pointed to one Dr. at Rush. We'll be seeing her next Wednesday. We are still waiting to hear about one more test that will determine what kind of chemo I'll be needing. We were told it could start as early as next week. We are waiting to talk to the Dr. today. Again, more waiting!! :-)

My Public Service Announcement of the day......Ladies, GET YOUR MAMMOGRAMS! (Yes, I'm "shouting!") Know the symptoms....they aren't all the same. Early detection is key!!

We are definitely feeling the prayers! We have a "peace that passes understanding" and we are grateful to you for lifting up our family! Thanks for the comments....we've loved reading them!! Have a great weekend, everybody!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord

2007-10-16T17:36:00.000-07:00

My favorite verse has always been Isaiah 40:31. "And they that wait upon the Lord, He will renew their strength. They will mount up with wings as eagles. Then will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint."

Let me tell you, we've learned a LOT about waiting! Waiting in the Dr.'s office, waiting for test results, waiting to tell people, waiting for sleep to come, waiting for a definite diagnosis. Just a lot of waiting! By nature, I don't consider myself to be a real patient person sometimes. But, God gives us that extra grace in times like this. And, I'm learning to wait!!

Today I talked to both the surgeon and oncologist. The surgeon let me know that it IS Inflammatory Breast Cancer. This rare and agressive type of cancer is staged at a 3b when it discovered. But, the good news is that it can be treated and cured, provided it hasn't spread. Also, we are thankful to report that the PET Scan came back as good news! He saw one little nodule he said "lit up" on the scan, but he thinks that could be swelling from the biopsy. Other than that, nothing else! So, one down, one to go!

Our prayer request continues to be that is hasn't spread. Also, that we will have wisdom when it comes to choosing treatment. We have some awesome drs. that are doing all they can to help us through this. We would like to have peace that we have made the correct decision. We are so thankful and humbled by everyone's prayer support and love! We know we are in HIS perfect strength because of it!

So, here's my hubby's humorous comment of the night. (With apologies to all my blonde friends!)
Dave wanted to know if my hair grows back darker, if I'll be any smarter. Feel free to voice your outrage to Dave! :-)

In His Strength,

Cindy and the VK's

In Christ Alone.....

2007-10-15T18:00:00.000-07:00

“In Christ alone my hope is found; He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—Here in the love of Christ I stand.”

Dear Friends,

Well, if you found my blog, you probably heard the news. I was recently diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Life as we know it changed over the course of three days…..Last Tuesday I had a mammogram, Wednesday afternoon I was sent to the surgeon for a biopsy and by 11 o’clock on Thursday morning, Dave and I found ourselves meeting an oncologist. It still seems pretty surreal. So, I decided to start this blog, for several reasons….

1. To communicate prayer requests – if there are specific things for which we need prayer, I’ll post them here. We know we are going to need a lot of prayer support!

2. To pass along information and share news, good or bad.

3. Let’s face it….I’m a computer geek! Why not join the blogging revolution? There is wireless Internet at Chemo so this will give me something to do.

Several different "types" of breast cancer have been discussed and we are waiting on some tests to know exactly what we are dealing with and how to best treat it. I had a PET Scan on Saturday (10/13) and a CAT Scan is scheduled for Wednesday (10/18). One of the types that they think I may have is a rare and agressive form of breast cancer. It is considered a Stage 3b when discovered. We are praying it isn't that!! Another BIG prayer request right now is that is hasn’t metastasized!

We are very thankful for an awesome oncologist! He is actually a cancer survivor himself so he’s been there and understands. This week in Bible Study Fellowship we talked about how Jesus can sympathize with us because he lived as a man and felt the same feelings we do. It was an interesting parallel and made me REALLY grasp that Christ KNOWS how we feel…..quite a comforting thought, especially under these circumstances.

Feel free to drop us a line on the blog….I’d love to hear from you!

In His Strength,

Cindy and the rest of the VK’s